It bursts unto the scene with delicious warmth, invitation to fun and laughter, its intense, determined, unrelenting, demanding engagement, wooing fervently, drawing you out, demanding gaiety. It’s hot, it’s constant, scorching actually. It wakes you up, staring at you while you sleep, you open your eyes and it’s right there where you left it and you wonder if he ever sleeps. You rise up excited and match the energy, dolled up in your bright coloured shorts and spaghetti strap camisoles, sunglasses decked and strappy sandals on. Giggling along, high as a kite, it is summer and you are in love. The world is awake and an incredibly beautiful place to be. You can’t get enough of the day and the day can’t get enough of you. So in love.
9pm you are out walking in the woods and it is as clear as the day, nothing to fear. Today you went out at 7.25pm and it was already grey, as you approached your front door at 8.15pm it seemed your watch had malfunctioned or the battery was out. It was pitched dark and you felt the chill through your light jacket, you looked up to the sky to check in on your friend, the sun is nowhere to be found, it’s gone into hiding, you felt tricked and deserted. Nothing you do or say brings back the sun. You went back indoor changed into your most colourful Bermuda shorts, opted for a sleeveless top, smeared a generous amount of sun cream on and pecked the widest possible straw hat on, sat on your puff in the balcony, hoping that if you do your part and signalled you are ready to play your play partner, the sun will join and the fun will continue. You waited for as long as your bones will take it, before getting up to grab your velvet green soft blanket and wrapped it around yourself as you cuddle a hot mug of Horlicks (the only heat you are getting these days) as you reminisce on the now gone sunny summer months.
Part of you feel frustrated and helpless, heartbroken actually, powerless some will add, you are just the responder, you cannot initiate. Well you can try with your Bermuda shorts but none will join you to play. What are you to do when the weather changes, when a season comes to an end. when the switch takes place? Unless you intend to catch a cold and become sick. Dress for the new weather, layer up, cover up, get your supplements in place, hit the gym, eat healthy, do your meditation etc, you know the drill, load up on self care, work your goals. The temptation to get childlike or some might say childish is high, to feel we have been jilted, led on and dropped, wandering exactly where the Sun is. The Sun never dies, it is somewhere else heating up another part of the universe.
He is not dead, busy or diseased, don’t buy any part of that. He has just shifted his exposure, expression and location. Most importantly, he has done you no wrong, the season is just over. Maybe he mistakenly made you believe it will be forever or you mistakenly made yourself believe it will be forever but it’s not. The sun is always there but it never burns fervently in the same location.
Relationships are not any different, we will be wise to adjust ourselves accordingly when the season has changed, no blame, no guilt. Someone ask ‘and how do I know how long a season will be?’ Unlike the weather that has a more defined pattern, relationships takes a random walk and do there on thing. Some bright seasons last for a long time, others a few days, some months, years even, some as long as 7 years or more , then one day, it all looks very different. You also ask me ‘how do I know what to do?’ Read the signs, when you start to feel the chill and it is getting dark then it is time to change clothing, no long discussion, no extended good byes, no tears, we don’t have to succumb to SAD (seasonally adjusted depression) either, just a grown up aggressive self care regime. It’s all good, nobody died, no one duped another, the soccer season is just over for now.
Don’t give them away, don’t burn them. Keep the summer clothes, the sun will come out again and then we will play with the simple understanding that there are seasons to all relationships.
Stay warm!
Beautiful Ivory 