Why Did I Have To Sleep?

I am awake now, wide awake I must add, everything is clear as day, I see clearly, I understand clearly, I know what I should know, at least that is what I think. But I miss the sleep, not all of it, but parts of it, it was a deep sweet sleep laced with the occasional short bad dream, which jolted me out of the sleep before I sink back into the sweet sleep. There was hardly any bad dream at the start of the sleep, it was all deep and sweet total oblivion, drifting off in lala land with no care in the world, then the bad dream started, they were few and far between to start with and grew steadily in frequency and horror, until they became an unavoidable disturbance to the sleep. Now there was more bad dream than sweet sleep, so I had to wake up.

I lie here sober and awake, feeling particularly strange, like a person just discharged from rehab, intoxicants no longer in my system, having to deal with life in my awaken state and then I miss the sleep. I am nostalgia, I miss the sweet lull, the blissfull oblivion, nostalgia is obvious a seductive liar, cunningly missing out the bad dream, the nightmare from my recollection, but it wasn’t long before true recollection kicked in and I remember that the drug had it’s downside, the hungover, the bitter taste in the mouth, the headache, the hallucinations, the paranoid etc. It was not all pleasant high. I hate to admit, I still miss the sweet part of the sleep, but with clear eyes I look back at my drowsy self as it slipped into the sleep.

I couldn’t help asking, my did I have to sleep? Why was I led into a sleep? I didn’t ask to sleep, I did not ask for the intoxicant. The answer I got was that ‘maybe I needed it’ how could I need the sleep? I was unconscious, I could not fight back when I was trampled all over, I could not talk back when I was abused, I could not participate in anything, I could not not see, I was unconscious!!!! Why do we need sleep when we are alive? Why do we need to be unconscious to maintain our consciousness? Why do we need to experience blindness in order to see clearly? Why do we need to starve to thoroughly enjoy the food? Why was I led to the sleep?

I had to sleep to learn, learn to be still, to allow life to unfold without my interruptions, to allow myself to rejuvenate. Sleep plays a vital role, it helps to reduce stress, helps our emotional well being, makes us happy, enables sweet dreams when we are not having nightmare. The truth is that the sleep aspect of the sleep was very good. Maybe my heart did not deceive me after all. Maybe I just needed a short sleep. Thank you for the sleep!🙏🏽

I am awake now, with consciousness I progress the day.