I Complained!

Like an aspiring politician, brandishing my purple silicone bracelet located on my left wrist, I was so determined to make it work that time around. Yes, I again (again, as I had tried in the past without much success) committed to Will Bowen’s 21-day no complaints challenge.

It’s easy! Is it really? You wear a purple bracelet on your wrist, and for 21 days, you refrain from complaining, criticising or gossiping. If you find yourself doing any complaining, you simply switch the band to the other wrist and start the 21 days again. Hopefully, at the end of 21 days without complaining, you would have broken the habit and become a better person for it. Your relationships would benefit as well. It’s all good!

I wouldn’t describe myself as a complainer, and I doubt anyone that knows me would. I do have my odd moments of whinging and whining, but honestly do not feel it is anything to write home about. Maybe I am a ‘social complainer’, you know, the type that feels she must join in the group moan doing the rounds. Why be a party pooper? Or better still, why portray myself as holier than thou? So, for the sake of social integration and acceptance, I probably join in. Or could I be an ‘accidental complainer’? You know, the odd complaint here and there that comes out of the mouth before I can take it back.

Well, what I found out was more ‘worrisome’. My partner in crime (my friend, Flora) called. We started our conversation, but there was not much to say after the usual pleasantries. I deliberately decided to test the water with a tiny bit of complaining, and the conversation picked up speed. I went full force on the complaining and we were in our element, urging each other on, and at the same time, trying to outdo one another. We were at it for 1 hour 47 minutes! We had no chance of lasting up to 10 minutes when we started the conversation without the complaining.

At the end of the conversation, I dutifully switched my bracelet to the right wrist. The worrisome part was not that I complained but rather that I felt no remorse. I actually felt fulfilled and satisfied, like an addict getting a much-needed fix and justifying the need for it.

Why do I have to complain and why do I enjoy doing it? It seems I am an intentional, deliberate complainer. Why the compulsion to complain? I guess I wanted the fellowship, the bonding, the attention, the comradeship. I wanted to connect with my friend and our main bond was in complaining.

I didn’t want to complain, but I wanted to bond and knew no other way. To break the complaining habit, I had to break the bond in the same way a silicone bracelet breaks and snaps on the skin. It is painful, it hurts! I guess pain is the way to freedom, and with time, I will forge relationships based on a more positive bond.