I am sure I have said it before, but for the benefit of those that were not in the room when I started, I am not good at getting rid of things, I am learning, but boy, do I struggle! I always believe there is another use, more use, more life in the old tank, I reminiscence, I get nostalgia, I hold on to the ill crafted dream, I always like to keep the troop together when it is clear to all except myself that some have outgrown the rank. I own up, I am emotional, sentimental and empathetic, I do not particularly enjoy that point of letting go. I feel the non existence pain that I have convinced myself inanimate object feel, but most importantly and more relevant, I feel the pain that people feel as a result of seperation borne out of growth, their growth or our growth.

Any one that will do exploit must grow, there is no mystery about this fact, the route to excellence is via growth. To maximise potential we must grow. I dare say to be happy and fulfilled we must continually grow. It has been said, that once we stop growing, we start dying. Things are rarely static. You are either progressing or regressing, there is no stationary point.

Growth is so evident in children, we can’t but wonder how fast it happens. One minute they are the little being we carry around, kissing to sleep, next we know, right before our eyes there is a little Madam or Mister standing up to us and questioning our delicately stacked illusionary authority. One minute they have their favourite programme, Peppa pig, Ben and Holly, Mickey Mouse etc next minute they think all those shows are so childish. They love a certain flavour of crisp and can’t get enough of them, so you stock up the pantry to save repeated trips to the store, they had two and no longer like Monster Munch Salt and Vinegar! What are you meant to do with the 500 packs sitting in the garage? As far as they are concerned that is your problem to deal with, they have moved on. Don’t start me on clothes, 2 weeks holiday and nothing fits. God forbid you experience lockdown with nowhere to go, all the beautiful expensive shoes, clothes, uniform you bought, not a single one fits, they have outgrown them! You try to squeeze, squash them into it, it is no use, it is over. So painful, money wasted and that is the story of growth, it seem to create waste and pain. It seem to be irreverent and callous in its journey, leaving things behind, paying no heed to the sentiment that once binds, single minded in its journey to progress. As parent we struggle to catch our breath in the fast pace life of our children, sometimes we wish we could slow things down and luxuriate a bit more in certain state, but no, things move on.

Of course we want to slow them down because we are slowing down whether by default or choice is unclear. It seems the halt of vertical growth on our part is an unkind or misinterpreted cue to us to accept the status quo. Research and experts have shown us that there is always room for growth until we kick that bucket. We see that in the horizontal shift that happens to some of us. But more importantly the scope for internal growth is limitless. How do we harness this growth? how do we tap into it? We must be prepared like children to let go of some things, some people, some relationship, some habits, some communities, some places, some programmes, some snacks, some thoughts, some beliefs etc, we must continuously change, shed and renew. There must be shifts, paradigm shifts. At the point of changing gear, there will be friction, conflict, discomfort, pain, distress, unease, we will be lumbered with ‘500 packs of Monster Munch’ that we have no choice but to bag up and throw away with gritted teeth. It is going to hurt!

For me the greatest pain is people, relationships, people outgrow us or the mode of relating and we are not ready, we still want to do the same things we use to do, but they say ‘no I have to move on’ and we don’t understand, what have we done wrong?’ Why will they just dump us like that? They use us, they are arrogant, they think they are better! We feel betrayed, we feel the friendship, the relationship has been betrayed, we feel they were fake all along, we feel awful and rejected! But are they? Are they users? Are they arrogant? Are they too goody shoes? Or have they just grown or rather have we just outgrown the relationship? Yes there is pain, on both side I will guess, but not enough reason to halt progress. It is a very tricky manoeuvre to make, we don’t want to trample over people, disrespect people and relationships, position ourselves as being better or superior, that is not necessary, but yet we owe it to ourselves to grow, some people do not feel this urge, others do not feel it to the same extent we are feeling it and some are growing but in a different direction.

The gist of the matter is we outgrow people, we outgrow relationships, people outgrow us and whilst it is painful, if we try not to take it personal, allowing people to go in peace, be it friendship, romantic relationships, business colleagues, fraternity buddy, whatever, we must give people their space. Also as we move on, as hard as it might be, let us find the grace and strength to exit with dignity and respect for the relationship we once had.

It is not much, I know, it doesn’t give much, I have no doubt. It is feeble and weak, lacking in depth and sustainability. It is lightweight and shifty, but it was all I had. It was just a straw, I kept telling myself, just a straw, nothing but a straw. But I miss it, I miss it so bad. Yes a straw it is, but it was mine, at least that is what I told myself and I had it.

It is gone now and there is a void the size of an aged oak tree. How can a straw leave such a void? How can a straw occupy so much space? A bigger space than some trees! Could it be that the straw was never a straw, but the space it displaces is actually the true indication of its size?

People come into our lifes and we judge them and size them up by whatever criteria we consider important, it could be longevity of the relationship, wealth, proximity, frequency of communication, status, age etc. Some we consider to be straw, others we consider to be trees and we never know whether we are wrong or right until they leave our life. Then we feel the emptiness that their departure creates and we gasp for the tree was never truly a tree, the departure hardly moved us or left an impact, but the supposedly straw shook our life. They are gone and we sat confused, disoriented, we are not ourselves, we don’t know what we are doing, for the roots of the straw reached deeper and further than the roots of the tree. The extraction of the straw caused unimaginable pain that was not felt when the tree moved on.

Treat all people well, for you don’t always know the true impact of people until they are no longer with us.

Then it was my turn, to endure what every great soul has to go through, to walk through that fire without flinching or uttering a word. With gritted teeth and composure to hold it all together while lesser souls, inferior minds and unconscious beings utter untruth. To stand back and observe quietly while a gigantic monument of lies, confusion, evil, manipulation is being errected. Time to watch the human heart do what sometimes it does best. Time to see the hearts of innocent children being corrupted by the insensitivity, foolishness and cluelessness of those that should know better. What a sad day when we tip the jar labelled ‘wisdom’ and all that flows out and run off is pure childish gibberish. When the well of wisdom only oozes out recklessness and preposterousness, water that corrupts and defies the soul. The soul that should speak truth can only conjure up nonsense, irrelevances and brain numbing utterances.

Every soul that will traverse must endure the unendurable, every one that will excel must be able to hold it together. Every being that will float on the surface of the water must know how to unburden and cast it all off, every single thing. We must let them carry the weight as we maintain the buoyancy to float. Partaking in it, mingling with it, engaging with it brings us down to the level of those that will never float or soar. The birds of the ground can never comprehend the birds of the air. We have a choice, to land and sift through the grains on the ground or to soar and catch our food in the air, the choice is entirely ours. We must always let the dead bury their own dead while the alive focus on the business of living.

I find no opening, I see no way, there is no one at home, it is a tightly knitted web, a maze of forgetfulness, a bottomless pit, it holds nothing, it has nothing to offer, it bears nothing, dense as the forgotten forest, leading no where, a whirlwind of absurdity forging forth in fool hardy emptiness, making so much noise but uttering nothing. Yet every man and every woman that will amount to anything must contend with this. Each must go through this school, abhoring it but yet excel. Through quietness, composure, strength, dignity and conviction the human soul excels.

Life indeed is for living, live!

It has been gruelling, you didn’t even think you could make it this far, if someone told you, you could endure so much, you will not believe. You didn’t even think you belong in the race, yet you are in it. You did not think finishing was for you, yet you’ve just got one more mile to go. You work out in your head how much is one mile in kilometre but you don’t know, but you know it’s just one and you proceeded, tired but you kept going, one slow heavy foot in front of the other, drawing on every ounce of strength you can find from wherever to complete the race and complete you will. You have come further than you ever thought you would. Just one more mile left.

Life has taken chunks after chunks from you and you stand all perforated with huge holes, feeling like a skeleton and wondering how you will ever make it, how you will fill up again and what will fill you up, yet you kept moving because all you have left is just one mile and you will be home safe. You can then minister to yourself, nurture and nourish, put some flesh back on that bone, put life back, put the smile back in that face, put the glitter back in that face, the stride back in that movement, the joy back in that heart, all that the canker worm and locust have stolen to be restored, just one more mile.

You can do it, please don’t give up, hold my hands and together we will hobble to the finish line.

Yes, and there is absolutely nothing you can do about it. It will get cold, all your leaves will be gone, you will be exposed and naked, there will be no warmth or comfort and you will be alone and miserable, it gets worse, it does not get better, it gets colder and icy and you will feel like you are going to die. In addition you will look pitiable and none will console and come near you. There will be no fruit or leaves. Stark naked you will stand to be mocked by the whole world. Those that don’t mock will ignore you, to them you don’t exist. None will sit under your branches to be shaded as you have no shade to offer. None will drop by to eat of your fruit as you have no nourishment to give. No bird will land on your branches to sing beautifully to you as it is too cold. You have to weather it all out by your self, as you stand right in the middle of the blitzing cold. Part of you will freeze and become numb. Part of you will break off from the harsh weather. The season from autumn to winter can be extremely difficult on some souls.

But there is good news, if you can endure, if you can find the inner strength and fortitude to bear it, if you can with gritted teeth hold on, if you can persevere to the saving of your soul the autumn and the winter will not last forever. It is just for a season and then you will flourish again. Your leaves will return, you will still bear fruit, your womb will still carry a child and then they will come and rejoice with you, the sun will be out and they will sit under your lush branches for shade and protection. The birds will build their nest in your branches and perch to sing beautifully to you. You will sway with your full crown of leaves gently from side to side and all that see will wonder at your beauty and majesty. You will smile contentedly but first it is going to be cold.

There is no where to run to from the adverse weather of life, all you do is stand tall and straight and bear it, knowing that it is just for a season and after that there will be growth and renewal. Take courage and take heart as the seasons changes. And as you enjoy the beauty, renewal, awakening of spring and bloom of summer, remember that another autumn and winter will come and then you will get cold again.

Think it not strange concerning the fiery trials which is to try you as though some strange things are happening to you. It is all part of the circle of life, boom bust, bear bull, famine plenty and so it goes. Get some fire in your soul to withstand the difficult times as it will get cold.

Your winter might be others summer and your autumn someone’s spring, live your seasons.

That skin! I see the definition, with the muscle flexing underneath, tiny droplet of water luxuriating on the surface. Glistening, dark, taut and healthy, breathing life, packed full of melanin, speaking a thousand words, telling of its journey, a story that none other can tell, hated and revered at the same time. It’s beautiful beyond comprehension, black goldfield that can not be mined dry. It gives and gives and gives and gives, yet never runs dry. It lives a thousand lifes, yet never cracks.

That skin, shining like the sun, blinding the unshaded, giving light to all, the mother of all, the birthplace of all, the womb that brought forth all, yet it’s children lashes at her, but she never stops being the mother that she is.

That skin, you can never truly ignore, try as hard as you can to pretend it does not exist, the image will taunt you, at night you will dream about it because that skin demands to be acknowledged. That skin is power, it is presence.

That skin is more than a covering, that skin is life, it is on a mission. No, you can’t kill it, you can’t stop it, you can’t thwalt it, you can’t suppress it, you can try, but it will fail. All you can do and all you must do is respect it’s journey and stay out of it’s way. It’s a blazing fire, a consuming force. In it’s death, it continues to speak and wage war like the blood of Abel and breath of George. Simply put, it can not be quieten or killed, it’s alive, forever speaking.

I am yet to see anything so beautiful, so raw, so representative of nature, yet so persecuted, so abused, so bastardise, plunder, pillaged and looted over and over.

I cringe, I wail and I groan when I see bearer of the skin bleach, loathing and yearning to strip off one of the most beautiful endowment given to man.

I Celebrate my skin!

Yeap, I am talking romantic relationship, how dare I attempt to tackle this elusive thing called love, this subject that has caused much heartbreak? Still felt I should give it my penny’s worth. The principle here will apply to other relationships as well.

The same way foundation applies to a brick and mortar building I believe it also applies to relationship. We clear the ground, get our digger in, be it mechanical or human, trench is created, marking the footprint of the building, we pack it, pouring in our cement mix/concrete. This sets solid and that marks the foundation of the building. Most relationship starts in similar way, boy sees girl, likes her, clears the way to get to her, once she accepts his interest, he digs the hole and pour himself, those initial days are intense, nature plays a good part, both are intoxicated with each other, hardly breathing seperately, so into each other, constant communications, chats, texts, calls, I love yous, I miss yous, kisses etc and the relationship sets. With the building we move on to the next stage, put in our damp course and start building the wall, I have a preference for a two leaf cavity wall with insulation in between. This allows the house to breath, the walls are individual but still joint. Equal walls supporting the house, one internal, the other external, both performing different roles but at the same time similar roles in protecting the house.

A good relationship should progress likewise, it can not continue in the dense foundation concrete mix stage, there is no breather, no fresh air, no allowance for movement, a house build like that is not sustainable or energy efficient, the same applies to a relationship, after a relationship sets, it needs air, it needs to develop as two individual leafs working together, each must have some space to be, however they are still to be held together by the internal insulation and external rendering, they are one but still individual. Some have argued for death of the individual as we are called to be one, I believe this signifies the beginning of the death of the relationship, in the same manner that weak dominated wall will eventually bring about cracks and subsidence to a building. A building does not fall because all walls are weak, it needs just one wall to be weak. A relationship where one dominates the other is a recipe for disaster, the structure is on its way to collapse. Both parties need to be equally alive and strong, working in unison, that is what makes for a strong building that can withstand the elements.

I will like to take time to build on the concept of allowing the building to breathe after the foundation stage. Now we women in general (so this is generalising, if it does not apply to you just move on) tend to want to stay in the concrete stage, we want the constant attention, we are emotional being, we love, love the non stop stroking and reassurance and reaffirming of love. We want to stay in that love stupor stage forever intoxicated. That is not healthy or beneficial, we must know how to enjoy the moment and then move on to build a house that lasts. Let’s give each other some break and breather to develop and grown, it does not mean love has waned, it just means life must continue in the midst of our loving. He still loves us but he must attend to business, of course he is not like when we first started, the foundation is set, we have bounded, we don’t keep adding glue, but we still maintain what we have, it’s not about abandoning but sustainable care, encouraging self care and not over burdening or suffocating the relationship. Also men, she still loves and cares for you, but she also has a destiny to fulfilled, don’t expect her to abandon her life to baby sit you in the name of love or marriage, that makes no sense and does not make for a strong relationship, one wall leaning on another is the precursor to collapse. One wall supporting each other is the recipe for strength and longevity.

The foundation of a building is a foundation for a reason, it is not the full construction that makes for an environmental friendly building. Different component, different building method for different stages and parts of the building/relationship.

Let’s build well

I tend to get this semi-panic calls from my tenants more time than I will like to acknowledge. It goes like this ‘all my lights have suddenly gone off, there is no power in the socket, no power in the house at all, send someone right away’ other times it will be ‘all the sockets have gone off’ or ‘all the lights on the top floor are gone’ or some other variant of these. Long and short there is a loss of power and the tenant wants it sorted out without delay. I will usually ask ‘Have you checked the Consumer Unit? ‘Are all the switches up?’ And I will get a blank, 9 times out of 10, they haven’t check, some don’t even know where the Consumer Unit is, they just want an Electrician sent out immediately. It becomes my job, to tell them where the consumer unit is, how to check the switches, see if any is down, which one it is and go through a process of elimination to identify the culprit. Everything has to be switched off in the house and reintroduced one at a time to find out the bad egg, the Achan in the group. The culprit tend to be the kettle, iron, microwave, washing machine or something that the tenant brought in the house, once this has been isolated, the tripping stops and light is restored.

Our whole being or sometimes part can be cast into darkness, something has tripped off the light in our soul and we are unaware, unconscious and we just carry on stumbling from one thing to another, other times we know but we have no idea where the ‘Consumer Unit’ of our life is. We don’t know how to check the switches, how to work out what is tripping and to isolate and eliminate it. Other times we are just too lazy, not prepared to take the time to check, we need the ‘landlord’ to come and sort it out. We don’t understand that it might be something we brought into our life, a person we allowed, we might even be the culprit with our thoughts, desires, actions, beliefs etc. Whatever the case maybe, we are tripping and need to be sorted out. Life can not be lived effectively in darkness. Let’s stay in tune with ourselves and check in on our being, if there is darkness, stop and purge out the Achan. Let the person go, stop the action or activity, change the thought process, get the electrican in, if you must, etc. Unto light we have been called, let us live in the light.

Set the light!

The food on display was appertising. It was one of those occasion you struggle to focus on what is happening, you are not slightly distracted but hugely by the aroma and display at the back of the hall. I couldn’t help noticing after doing a quick head count that there seem to be more people than enough food to allow each person to have whatever they want from the buffet spread. I reason that, depending on when your table is called, it might be one of those where you get whatever you get. I mutter a silent prayer within my heart, that the order in which the tables are called will be to my favour, so I can be free to choose whatever I wanted. And that was exactly what happened. I got my wish. When I arrived at the display I sure was not disappointed, you will be pleased to learn I was disciplined, I didn’t overdo it, went for the choice food, well presented and nourishing, went back to me seat with my carefully chosen but moderately looking plate, ate my food with happiness, thanking my maker for my good fortune in life. The event was successful, good food, good company, good organisation, went home a happy bunny or so I thought.

Off to sleep I went, a few hours into my sleep, something was not right, my tummy was troubled, it started rumbling furiously, I became very sick, I will spare us the details, but I was ‘there’ more times than I care to recount, throwing up at the same time. It was a bad case of food poisoning, I ended up in hospital admission for a number of days, badly dehydrated and on drip. When I was strong enough to talk, the doctor came to ask me what was it that I ate, I did my best to list everything, none looked suspicious I assured the doctor, but it was clear something I ate from the buffet was responsible. I had more than enough time to reflect as I laid on the hospital bed, wishing there was a way I could have sniffed out the ‘bad guy’ and stay away. I pondered whether I should stop eating out, avoid buffets all together, research the caterer before hand, only go for a la carte at choice restaurants, etc. The question was, how would I know to avoid food poisoning? The answer was not in the looks, it all looked right, even smelled right, on this occasion I could only know by the repercussions, the after effect.

In the same vein, I have always wondered about poisons, how do people get to know that one plant, bark, fungi or whatever is poisonous. Poison mushrooms do not look much different from the non poisonous ones. I watched a programme once about the poison garden in Alnwick, it was one of the most beautiful garden I have ever seen, yet filled with deadly plants. On it’s website it states “… filled exclusively with around 100 toxic, intoxicating, and narcotic plants … Visitors are strictly prohibited from smelling, touching, or tasting any plants, although some people still occasionally faint from inhaling toxic fumes while walking in the garden…”. To tell that these plants are poisonous, at some point or another someone or some organism would have had to ingest it and the consequences observed because how else would they know?

That brings me to soul poison. In the same way that our body can be poisoned, our souls can be poisoned. Some people sadly are toxic, poisonous to our spirit, to our soul, but how do we know? Some have a very sensitive tummy, they can very quickly tell if certain food are not right, others accumulate toxin in there bodies over a long time before finding out. Some can quickly discern an ‘off’ person irrespective of the outward appearance others are clueless and fraternise with the poisoned one for so long and then wonder why they are constantly sick. Some people loath to hurt other people’s feelings which I can appreciate, but someone is toxic and out of some twisted sense of obligation and niceties we continue to accommodate them until we become terribly sick. Sometimes we leave our house in the morning with a clean, peaceful and calm spirit, by the time we return home, our heart is all agitated and troubled, not because of a particular incident but it might just be a person or people we encountered. People bring to us the spirit they possess, they bring their aura, if they are sweet and nice, that is what they leave with us, if they are toxic and bitter that is what they leave with us. We can’t necessarily tell by the outward appearance or by the relatedness to us. Good people are good people whether they are friend, family, neighbours, colleagues, church people or strangers and so also are bad or toxic people. It is pointless saying but they are my friend, family, church people or whatever, the question is how do you feel after an encounter with them? Does your spirit, mood drop or are you lifted? Are you more burdened or lightened? Are you confused or enlightened? Are you light or heavy? The only way we would know is to be conscious and aware, to take the time to quieten our spirit and check the temperature following each encouter. Let go if it is wrong for you, don’t be shy or timid about the preservation of your soul or your space. Like the poison garden, as we go around in life, strictly prohibit yourself from touching, tasting, smelling or walking around the poisoned ones, otherwise you might just inhale and faint

How would you know? Check in with your spirit.

Not sure how many of you have those loveable but annoying friends, that come to visit, barge into your room, go straight for the closet and start rummaging. A beloved sister does that to me and it’s like ‘Liz you have to give me something’ or ‘I must take something today!’ And she starts shuffling things from one side to another, her greed knowing no containment, taking this and dropping that, putting the clothes against her body, forgetting that none will fit as we are different sizes, doing her best to squeeze her fat feet into my shoes, she tend to manage the shoes with a lot of painful overhanging bits. I sit there observing her drama and amused at the loveliness(not) of people.

It is funny, you see I don’t have a lot in my Wardrobe, I clear it out from time to time, anything that no longer fits, that is faded or worn, I get rid of. Anything that no longer serves me or does not bring me joy goes. All the ones that were passed on to me that belong to a different era are out. Generally anything that is so yesterday has no place. So my Wardrobe is airy, minimalist, fresh and vibrant, there is movement and openness, things are not all crammed together, a no baggage policy, just what is needed and enriching. I found out more is not more, it is actually less and less, funnily is more. Anyway I hope that makes sense. So this my friend that has her own Wardrobe bursting at the seams with all kind of ‘God knows what’ will still come long necking at my simple and freed wardrope. I made a choice that she was not prepare to make, her surplus has not serve her, but weigh her down, not relieving unsatisfaction, not bringing contentment and fulfilment. There is no peace or calm in her wardrobe, everything is jostling for a right of place in the crammed wardrobe.

Our mind is like our closet, some have cleared their minds of thoughts, beliefs, values, pass me down ideas or tradition that no longer serve them. Some have dared to look at the roadmap with which they traverse through life and torn up the outdated and obsolete ones that only lead into the ditch. They live light and move swiftly with an openness that allows a responsiveness to life, new information and experience. Then you have the friend that refuses to change or clear out the Wardrope. Conflicting, confusing thoughts and beliefs are piled on top of each other, small wonder there is chaos in their life. No time is allowed to consider and throw out archaic beliefs or traditions stifling out life, growth and envolvement. You have these people wanting to spy on your freedom and growth, puzzled on how you have achieved your peace and calmness hoping to raid your wardrope in order to enjoy what you have, not understanding that the trick is not in more but in less. All those things that quench the spirit and suffocate life must be thrown out, we can’t go far with that load, our thoughts become stale and we look drab, that is not the way to live a bright and vibrant life.

From time to time, let us all dare to take a sneak peek into that wardrobe of our mind and have a good clear out. We might have to be brutal in this process, it will hurt but so be it, it’s all for the better. Guard your heart with all diligence for out of it flows the issue of life. Don’t clog up the flow of life.