We wandered around aimlessly. We were vulnerable, naive and helpless. Prey to any and all predators, consumed, used and abused by those near and close. None cared for us because there was no mother. None trained, guided or directed us because there was no mother. We were passed from pillar to post, strangers indoctrinated and fed us strands and remnants of affection. We called strangers ‘Dad’ and we paid obeisance to the breast we never sucked. We longed to be adopted that we might experience the bond between a child and a mother, none was called to perform the role but a lot desired the title and adorn the robe with no heart or intention of performing the role. We were motherless, unable to adequately care for ourselves and with no one to care for us, we became ill. We were ill in body, soul and spirit. Limp, frail, hungry and tired, dying we laid down with dirty bowl and weak outstretched hand begging for food, wholeness and acceptance. We drifted off into a deep sleep of preservation that appeared to be death. Whilst we slept unbeknownst to us we were being prepared to meet our carer, our mother. Our mother was being prepared to meet us as well.

A catastrophe woke us up suddenly, great terror grabbed our soul, as we opened our eyes to behold our sickly state, we remembered we had no carer or mother and stumbled to the pillar beside us clenching it for dear life to stabilise us, desiring the comfort and forgetfulness of the stupor state we begged to go back to sleep. We were however told that the sleep was over. We lifted our head marginally to see that which we would see, with blurry vision we saw the figure walking intently and majestically towards us. She had a smile and her gaze was solely on us , we mustered all the strength we could find in our frail body and staggered slowly towards her, as we got closer, she looked uncannily familiar. She opened her hands wide and we fell into it, head buried in her chest between her two breasts, we lifted our head to look at her face and as we stared into her eyes we saw it! The face is our face, the eyes are our eyes. Then it hit us, our carer is us, we are the one we have been waiting for! When our earthly mothers have done their job, the caring need does not end, it continues and we must priorities self care, otherwise we become unwell.

We are of no use to anyone or ourselves unless we are healthy, spirit, soul and body. Most of us have been guilty, we neglect care of self and we pour and pour into other people until we are totally depleted then we expect someone else to come and take the reins of sorting us out. It doesn’t always work like that, yes loved ones, family and friends will pop round and do what they can do but the primary duty of guarding our soul, caring for our bodies and growing our Spirit lies with us as adults. The mothering role never ends and when we wander around motherless we are to remember we are that mother we seek, we are the carrier of that breast we need to suck, we are the ones we have been waiting for and as we feed and strengthen ourselves, we are equipped to go out there, help others and do exploits.

Be good to self!

I met a man yesterday, whether a friend or a foe, I can not tell. I am not sure if he is male or female but he is one of the 7. 9 billion people on earth. Just one man, I must emphasis and he offered his unsolicited view on an area of my life. He is not the Messiah or the Sent One, at least as far as I can decipher. He is not the Creator nor the Maker. He has not done any research on me, my past, my future, he had not collated any data, he was not a researcher. He hardly knows me and our encounters have been few and brief, yet he offered his view, on what authority I wondered, whether it was just a hunch, a thoughtless expression of unsolicited view or an overflow of inconceivable ignorant and arrogant pomposity I would never know. All I know was that one man offered his view. A negative prognosis and my spirit dropped. He offered his truth, he will argue, without a doubt it is his truth, but how does his truth line up with ‘the truth’ and the views of the other 7.9 billion people?

We live in a free world and a man is entitled to his views, freedom of speech also gives him the liberty of expression however there is no compulsion on imbibing by anyone. Yet we hold ourselves captive to the view of just one man. We assimilate, we ruminate, we turn it over and over in our mind, we regurgitate and we embrace as the ultimate truth, as the gospel and we become troubled, discouraged, despondent and hopeless and the thoughtless view of just one disgruntled man becomes our very own negative self fulfilling prophecy. Someone said to me, ‘but it wasn’t just one man, there were a couple of them, a few, actually about a 100 people echoing the same downtrodden drum beat’. and I replied ‘and so what!’ that is 1.26582278e-8 of the population’ now everyone one is looking at me ‘that number makes no sense, we don’t understand ’ and that is exactly my point, the view of one man contrary to the positive vision, upbeat view and projections for our lives is irrelevant in the larger scheme of things. If we can truly grasp this, we will be freer and floaty human beings. Am I suggesting we should become headstrong and never consider other people’s views? Absolutely not. Am I saying we can never be wrong? I will never say that. Am I suggesting that criticism and cautions are always detrimental? No. However I am saying everything in its right place, we are not to give more weight to the view of one person or a few people than we ought. People are entitled to their views and we are entitled to our acceptance or not. Hopefully we will apply all due diligence, openness, discernment and honesty in our consideration.

All men are not created equal, some are more equal than others. Some express there view with such force, other with a meek voice, some have the platform, the presence, the power, the position and the followership, some raise their voice, clench their fist, vibrate, gyrate, stamp their feet, get angry, point the finger, claim you are averse to the truth, yet it is just the view of one man in 7.9 billion people or if you are lucky the view of 1.26582278e-8 of the population! An insignificant number. We are not to think of ourselves or any man more highly than we ought to. All men and their views including ours are to be considered with sober judgement and faith, a view that is not of faith is to be discounted.

It is just the view of one man!

A times we nibble at the tiny webs around our feet and we wonder why we are not free and running as fast as we ought. The problem is rarely the problem, it is rarely what is visible and obvious to us. It is usually deep, more devious, tenacious, entrenched and hidden from sight, it is locked away in a dark room at the far back of the yard. We are busy battling with some entangled dead plants around our feet, when the real problem is being in the forest in the first place. The real issue is not the young man we got entangled with, the issue is what led us into the hands of that man. The real problem is not the neighbour that introduced us to the drugs, the problem is what we are doing in the neighbourhood and why we needed the drugs in the first place. The real problem is not the supposedly spiritual leader that bastardised our mind, the problem is why are we running helter skelter all over the place and gobble down any and everything we are fed? The problem is not our clothes that don’t fit and the lifestyle illness that we battle with, the real issues is why we make those decisions that sabotage our well being. The real problem is not our abuser, like the poor, the abusers will always be with us. The real problem is why we gravitate towards abusers and have a dependent issue. The real problem is not always our lack but our scarcity mindset or laziness. The real problem is not that no one likes us but our unwillingness to take social risk, our fears, our anti social behaviour etc. The super shackle holding us down is not as close as we think or like it to be, it is farther away yet it’s hold is tighter than a constrictor snake strangling it’s prey. We have to journey far and deep to break the hold. It’s not a day’s journey or an overnight stay, it’s a deep dive into the depth of the ocean, to work out what the real issue is. Symptoms are just ringing tone telling us that there is someone at the other end of the line wanting to engage with us, we don’t start dancing to the ringing tone and claim we have heard the clarion call and had a conversation. It was just a call to the battle field not the battle.

The changes we require demands that we pick up the handset, press that button and listen intently to the conversation and contribute as required. The more I reflect on it, the more I realise the work we need to do is difficult and demanding, the super muscle we need to train to get a good posture is not lying at the surface of the skin, it is deep within the abdomen. The question is ‘how far are we prepared to go to rescue ourselves?’ The journey is more inward than outward, how daring are we prepared to be? How willing are we to interrogate entrenched mindsets and beliefs? Are we willing and prepared to rock the boat and face the consequences and repercussions of such actions? The super shackle, master switch, deep muscle etc releases us, it changes and shift our paradigm and the question is, are we ready for this change? Do we truly want to be free, are we ready to soar? Are we ready to be birthed, to cut the umbilical cord that ties us to that which we have outgrown? There is no point in kicking in the womb, complaining of the dark and the constricted space, it is time to be birthed and face the world and do our part for humanity.

Let’s be brave, let’s do it, let’s cut that super shackle. We are in for a great journey!

Who is at work today? Whose shift is it? Who has don the uniform and is serving customer? Is it a friend or a foe? Who came out to play? Who is dealing today? For some people are the queen of disguise. Weakness has an uncanny resemblance to goodness and plays the part scarily well. Weakness turns the other cheek when it should strike back and we call it goodness. Weakness goes the extra mile when it should stay put or turn back and we applaud it for its sacrificial behaviour. Weakness gives it coat to any that asks, even the thief, foolish and slothful and we commend the benevolent spirit. Goodness knows it’s timing and what to do, weakness has no concept of timing and season, weakness behaves in the same pacifist manner regardless of the situation or the circumstances and dons the apparel of goodness to cover up the sickening inability to muster strength to rise up to the situation. It is important we do not get things confused. There is without a doubt a time to turn the other cheek, to go the extra mile, to give our coat, to empty our pockets and our house but it is not all the time. The only person that becomes a door mat and is permanently worked over is a fool, it is weakness not goodness. The meek will inherit the earth not the foolish and the weak. We all watch with horror the current goings in Ukraine and we cringe. I don’t know the details or history but I see what I see and for the sake of this write up if we assume that the reporting is full and accurate then we should ask the question. Who rises to the situation and right the goings, the weak or the good?

In any situation we find ourselves, it always boils down to one thing, decision! what is the right thing to do? The right thing to do atimes is gentle, palliating, pacifying, condoning, compromising, conceding etc other times it is standing the ground, confronting, punishing, fighting and sadly battling back. Inability to tolerate the discomfort of battle makes the weak and lazy don the attire of altruism or martyr, supposedly suffering in silence, pretending to be what they are not. There is a place and a time for everything, a time to roar like a lion and a time to be meek like a dove. Nature in its wisdom made sure that we have access to the full range of emotions and reactions, at least in normal working individuals.

As we contemplate our lives and the situation and circumstances we find ourselves. I believe especially for empath and those that loath to disturb the hornet’s hive, let us ask, who is at work today? The good and the weak are close cousins but not the same. Discernment is our preservation, strength is our calling. Discomfort is part of our journey, Peace is our inheritance, possessing our inheritance is our duty, living the abundance life is our promise. Let us do all we know to be strong in body, in mind, in spirit as we wait for instructions from the avenger of the weak. Avenge not yourself, but give place to wrath! The full answer is in the potion of verse. Avenge not but at the same time give place to wrath.

Who is at work today?

So Teddi, bus driver for Bus R3 arrives back at the terminal, he is 39 mins early from his otherwise 4 hours bus route drive. He clocked in, rather than going straight home, he decided to relax in the common room for a few minutes, made himself a cup of coffee, grabbed the worn daily paper, with his feet up, he buried his head into his paper and drifted off into the stories. His supervisor came in, did a double take, did he just see Teddi or his eye sight failing him? Yes it was definitely Teddi! ‘Teddi is that you?’ He hola. ‘Yes, it’s me’ Teddi replied. From what he could see Teddi looked alright. Notwithstanding he thought to ask, ‘is everything okay?, are you alright?, any problem with the bus?’ Teddi confirmed that all was good, no problem whatsoever. Supervisor, scratching his head, asked ‘but you are back early?’ Without lifting his head from the paper, Teddi nodded in the affirmative and went on to explain. ‘I cut off from my route, the roads from Swann lane all the way to Elm road going round Worbeck Road, the whole area of Amherst woods I did not bother with, I have been driving this bus for 3 years and after 7pm there is never any one there, it is very dark and lonely on those route, I have saved myself time, the company fuel and the bus mileage’. What do you think the Supervisor did? Teddi was sacked on the spot!

The above is a fictional story, there is no Teddi and Bus R3 route has no bearing on this story. The point we are trying to make is that a bus driver can not just cut off parts of his route that he deems unviable. The route is set, it’s not his call. The point about certain parts of the route being deserted is a valid point, I see buses in my neck of the wood, plying some routes religiously, at certain times, there is no one and it is a solo drive for the bus driver, seemingly pointless. Our lives are the same, certain aspects of what we do seem pointless and we wonder why, why can’t we just cut off and arrive back early. Sometimes our whole existence seem pointless. Solomon, the wisest man accordingly to Scripture said it is vanity upon vanity. Do we then pack up and check into heaven, claiming we are done? Obviously not, we still have to finish our shift, drive through every aspect of our route, whether there are passengers or not. The fact of life is that some parts of the route will be populated others will be scanty and some will be solo drive. Different drivers, different buses, all with different routes. Some routes are full of buses with loads of passengers steaming in and out the entire length of the ride, other routes are short with few buses and hardly any passengers. Some routes are littered with bus stops and signs other routes have no bus stops, no signs such as rural areas, you just have to know where to stop and passengers know where to alight.

The journey of man is similar to the journey of the bus drivers. Whatever bus or route we get, our call and duty is to be focused and drive with diligences, people getting in or getting off is none of our business. Our job is to set our eyes like a flint and keep driving and at the end, when we finish our route there will be our remuneration. Some believe this, some don’t, but the best we can do, is give life our best shot and the earth we inhabit will bear us witness that we did not slack. Some have argued that our whole existence is just chasing our tails, and my response is that, then we will chase our tails with all the vigour that we have, for in the chase is our fulfilment and ability to experience the abundant life.

What Teddi did not know was that the day he cut short his route, was the one day when an elderly lady waited to board the bus to go and see her new born grandson, she was deprived of the opportunity and never got to see the new born.

Honour your route!

It as simple as a ABC, if you have a heart and a brain, they need to be supplied with blood for the human to remain alive. Cardiovascular diseases (CVD) are leading causes of death globally, estimated 17.9 million people died from CVDs in 2019, representing 32% of all global deaths. CVDs is brought on by a blockage to the arteries that supply the heart and the brain. What is so tragic is that it can be prevented in most cases by behaviour change. I am not a medical profession, so I will not dabble in that which I know little about, I will stay in my lane as an observer of life. And as an observer of life I want to look at the heart from an emotional and psychological well-being point of view.

The scripture admonishes us to guard our heart with all diligence for out of it flows the issues of life, our emotional heart has arteries supplying it, blockage in these arteries will affect us. A heart attack is an emergency to the medical professionals, in the same manner we must treat the blockage in our emotional heart with the same urgency otherwise we will pay the dear consequences. The aim is to restore the flow, by thinning the blood, removing the blockage or doing a bypass, grafting in new arteries, but what they wouldn’t do is leave the heart without supply, it is matter of life and death!

In our lives, we might sometimes have to ‘thin the blood’ around situations and people that have troubled our existence. We don’t always have the luxury to remove the culprits or remove ourselves from the culprits in the same manner that not all plague will be removed from the arteries, we might have to take the ‘Aspirin of life’, allowing forgiveness, turning the other cheek, allowing love to ease the flow of blood around the blockage. Some people will never change, some circumstances we can not change, sometimes we can not remove ourselves and those times we must re-frame the narrative, we must find a way to put a positive spin, to allow the blood to flow around it. What we can not do is allow bitterness and unforgiveness to eat us up. Unforgiveness has been defined as a state of emotional and mental distress that results from a delayed response in forgiving an offender. This is CVD situation requiring prompt attention.

Other times the blockage must be removed, this is beyond the scope of Aspirin, no thinning of the blood will allow any flow, the blockage has reached the walls of the arteries. No forgiveness, no walking in love, no turning the other cheek will do, this is the time to flee! We have to extricate ourselves from certain people and situations, otherwise it/they will stifle life out of us. It is a survival drive, either the operation and we live or we keep the blockage and die. Which ever way there is a price to pay. The operation is not pain free. There is a recuperation period. there is a time of confusion and loneliness when we cut ourselves from toxicity, there will be void, a gap, but a worthwhile one that will fill up in time for our long term survival.

Finally for this write up there are times when new arteries have to be grafted in to supply the heart. We have to actively build new supplies of healthy reinforcement into our lives. The heart can not exist without its supplies. The flow must be restored. Be out there, find your flow, your tribe, your lift, your joy, your happiness. As we said earlier behavioural choices affect our physical heart, the same applies to our emotional and psychological well being. Let us all make healthy choices and have active positive experiences. Guard your heart with all diligence, for out of it flow the issues of life.

Let it flow!

What darkness ensued! Great darkness covered the space and the soul was plunged into deep confusion. The path disappeared and the journey became undesirable, scrambling for survival, breathless and anxious, scared of the unknown terror, the soul longed for obliteration to relieve the dissonance and what a dissonance it was! Grabbing food and whatever temporary pleasure was available to give some distance, distraction and fleeting relief to the disturbance. Running helter skelter from post to pillar, seeking refuge in unsustainable shelters the soul dreaded the suffocating breathlessness that sought to strangle the life out of it.

In a short sharp fleeting moment of respite, sanity and clarify, the soul recalled that there is a light switch. Like a frightened toddler crawling to find his lost mother, the soul made it’s way to the light switch. The light was turned off as ‘things’ were pressing against the switch! The ‘things’ were not just things, they were people, situations, circumstances, thought processes etc All where pressing hard on that switch. One by one, little by little, with a steady hand and focused mind, he removed one hindrance after another, one obstacle after another, one toxic person after another, one unpleasant situation after another, one defeating thought after another, one debilitating habit after another, as he untangled himself and freed the pressure on the switch his light began to shine brighter than it ever did, his path became clearer than it ever was, his heart became lighter than it ever was, his step became springy and he strode off into his destiny.

Today, what is pressing against your light switch? As a landlord, every time my tenants call to say there is no light. The first question I always ask is, have you checked the switch board? More times than not, they haven’t and now because it is dark, they can’t find their way to the switch board. I advice keep a torch light handy and use it to find your way to the switchboard. The problem is usually at the switch board. The master switch or a few switches have gone off. Something has tripped off the power supply, usual culprits being kettle, toasters, iron etc. In our lives too, we know the usual culprits and when our soul and being is thrown into confusion and disorder, it will serve us well to check those usual suspects, notorious for tripping the power switch in our lives. Get rid of them, switch your light back on and let it shine!

Switch it on!

Close relationships are vital to our psychological and emotional well-being, they can make us or break us, causing us to thrive or regress, for that reason it is compulsory that we carry out continuous assessment of those relationships. Such relationships could be romantic, family, friendship, business, church, mosques, synagogue or other spiritual relationships etc. We must put a magnifying glass to them and check what is going on, to encourage the good and weed out the bad. The good causes us no problem, it is the bad we are concerned about. Some of us take a myopic credulous optimistic view of close relationships, because they are close it can not harm us, because they are family they can not do us wrong, because it carries the label of a romantic relationship then it is kosher, because it use to be good then it is still good, because it is sometimes good then it is always good, because it is spiritual it can’t be toxic, we all know that this is not true if we are honest.

The call is for us to objectively assess our relationship without the romanticism and labelling that hinders us from carrying out an unemotional and unsentimental assessment of the true state of play. Of what use is the intimacy if we carry out ‘our business’ with the light switched off, eyes closed, under the duvet, citing modesty and decency as our excuse? How dark is our darkness? We must dare to look at the stark nakedness of our closest relationships in broad daylight in order that we may accept or discard aspect that are unacceptable, then we can get the most fulfilling, honest and exhilarating relationships.

Such relationships, from time to need to be strip totally naked, with nowhere to hid and inspected in all its glorious or goriest details. Must be seen for all it is and called out for what it is, the good, the bad, the ugly. We carry a fear, a reluctance, hesitation, timidity to face reality head-on and talk about the negative parts of relationships because of the fear of repercussions, of being labelled a critic, a gossiper, a bad person or a judgemental person . Most of us come from a school of deference, a school of unquestioned allegiance, respect, obedience or adherence that allows our closest and dearest get away with murder, we are considered rebellious, controlling and insubmissive if we dare point out atrocious behaviour that is detrimental to both the perpetrators and the victims, we help no one by keeping mum, we are condoning and enabling, we the recipient of such atrocious behaviour are in some sense as guilty as the perpetrators as we do nothing to end it. Yes they will fight us and it is never easy to say no is no, never easy to confront evil or say that this is unacceptable behaviour. For fear, timidity and unwillingness to tolerate the discomfort and annihilation of the confrontation means we do nothing. Shall we continue to sin or allow others to sin that grace may abound? At times silence or inaction is the greater sin.

The desire not to stir up the hornet’s nest or ruffle the feather being the most lame approach to life. Let us ruffle the feather, stir the nest, let us cause the commotion, let us upturn the tables of the money changer, let us cleanse out the temple, let us confront it heads on, let us bring healing and restorations to our relationships. Let us flush out all this false harmony and peace, whilst a storm is brewing underneath, let us demolish this fake conciliatory façade and have true peace.

Shalom!

We have all seen it, Eagle appears, flies above the head, chicken is astonished, hand on cheek, chicken head cock to the side, finger tapping lip, wonders how, thinking, I bet I can do it, why not, if not. Spreads out wings, prop on its tiny legs, flaps vigorously, stirs up its inner ninja, the remains of the inherited instinct to roost up high, lifts up that heavy body and off it goes. Okay maybe not as high or as fast as the eagle, but nobody can fault the effort and chicken feels exhilarated, the sight above the ground is breathtaking. Chicken is grateful for the appearance of eagle inspiring him to take a leap.

On another occasion, eagle flew low above chicken and chicken went at him, clucking, giving out rising and falling peeps with high pitched quavering, with no intention of moving an inch of his body from where he is, his feather became puffed and ruffled, the comb pale. Chicken becomes moody, withdrawn, sensitive and aggressive. He reckoned ‘how dare eagle fly!’ and took offence. Eagle was perturbed.

As aspiring human, we have to be prepared that every time we fly into chicken-like gathering, one of two things will happen. It is either we inspire some or we are attacked by those that have no intention of trying. For some there is no inner ninja, no inherited instinct to stir up and every attempt to motivate and inspire will only result in more and more strop and drama. We are better off adhering to the admonishment of the master. If there is no person of desire, dream, longing and yearning at home, let us shake the dust off our feet and continue our flight.

On the other hand some chicken will try to fly, those are our people to encourage, inspire, support, motivate and mentor. Our sheep will always hear our voice and the voice of the stranger they will not hear. We are not called to everyone and we will all save ourselves a lot of headache if we are discerning. Someone ask ‘how would you know the fliers from the non-fliers, all chicken look alike?’ True, they all look alike, but by there fruits, words and works we shall know them.

Some chicken will never fly, all they will ever do is criticise and poke holes at Eagle’s flying techniques, however some chicken will try to fly, continue to be inspiring!

Like a stuck record, a one trick pony, a repetitive parrot, I am here to work the dough some more. I am yet to achieve the level of fluff I desire, I must knead it a bit more. I must dabble in that subject once again. Here we go.

Using rejection as the ointment to oil our path, to light our way, to navigate our journey to the destination. Few experiences and emotions are as potent and destabilising as rejection. When we put ourselves out there in our glorious manifestation and someone says ‘no thank you, not for me’ we are stopped in our path, we want to hide, disappear, cease to exist, not just hide from them but from ourselves. A monster has been conjured and that monster is us and we do not want to be or have any part with it. We are the devil and that causes all kind of disturbances, confusion, chaos and agitation. We are ugly, unwanted and just wrong, wrong, wrong! How do we deal with this? This is the most fragile place of the human experience, this is the place where people turn to all kind of undesirable behaviour to get away from the monster that is them. Addiction comes in, destructive behaviours, depression, anxiety and sadly suicide. The act of suicide is to relieve oneself of oneself. The ‘Noplace’ is that place where we feel unwanted, unloved unsuitable.

Maybe we can just get a mirror and start very slowly, maintain eye contact. That wouldn’t kill anyone. Just look at that which has just been discarded. Maybe we can take in every part that has been disapproved. Maybe we can see it for all that it is. Maybe we can pick up our discarded invention, terrible writing, ugly photo, expanding waistline, poor report, failed business, dwindling bank balance, failed relationship, whatever it is and just place it on the table and look at it. Maybe we can just look at the monster and be still, do nothing, the urge to do something, run away from it will obviously be overwhelming, but if we can find that strength to just be with ourselves and just be, standing in our sacred place, that is when the miracle begins! We start to become centred, to see differently, to get grounded, the monster begins to grow on us. We grow on ourself. This is me, warts and all! That is the place we want to be. We are owning the ‘Noplace’. A transformation begins. Acceptance and true self love emerges, but we must first be prepared to befriend the monster and love him and as we kiss the frog we realise he was a prince all long and at that point, it makes no difference what the world or anyone says. We are Kosher and all that is left is a little tweak here and there not to perfect the person (the person is glorious already) but to improve the placing.

This is a massive subject condensed in a brief write-up. My desire is for an expansion within each one of the thought expressed here.