… we live in an age and time where there is huge pressure to conform, to be part of a group, a movement, ideology, belief system, latest trend etc. And God help the dissenter, the deserter, the one that chooses to stick his neck out, to do his own thing, to take a different part, to listen to his own soul, to dance to a different beat. God help the one that chooses to be his own individual self. He or she is usually ostracized, penalised harshly for daring to be different, for attempting to stand solid on the sacred ground of his own beliefs without shrinking or puffing.

What is so wrong? I have wondered in choosing the path that I consider to be right? what is so wrong in being the only one on my lane if my internal navigation system indicates that is the route to my destination? Why is the crowd, the herd, so nervous of the individual? What is it about the individual that is so uncomfortable? Why is the individual so uncomfortable with his own individuality that he feels an unspoken pressure to confirm against the dictats of his inner self?

“There is danger in going it alone” I hear you say, “a huge danger ” I hear you add. “What danger” I ask. The danger of going wild, of loosing ‘shape’. “What shape?” I ask. “The shape of conformity, of acceptable norm, the shape that allows for orderly society and existence. The shape that allows for things to run smoothly. The shape that allows for control and thereby growth, development and progress” you explain.

I pondered and wondered ” is it possible that shape, control and order are actually the enemy that stifles growth, creativity and progress?” Is it possible that order is overated? Is it possible that the ultimate creative force emerges out of that which we fear? Is it possible that choas and disorder is not as troublesome as we think? Is it possible that all greatness must stem forth from the freedom that disorder allows? Or is disorder a hindrance?

I don’t know the answer, but I know the lone man is considered to be a danger to himself and to the fold and the fold is working tirelessly to absorb him in. But is he really a danger? Should we just let him be? Must we erode his individuality? Is it possible that the fold is the real danger to progress and growth? Is the fold the hiding place for the weak, timid and fearful or the breeding place for the socially balanced and leaders of tomorrow? Is there safety in numbers afterall?

… the world is not a perfect place, things are not orderly, it is not all peaceful, there are pockets of good happenings and also not so good. Some are rich and seem to have all their needs met, others are in abject poverty, lack and deep want. Some appear sane and others are barking mad. Some areas are picturesque, breathtakingly stunning, untouched and unspoilt, nature observe at its finest. Other areas are spoilt, polluted, ravaged and sad. Beauty exist, ugliness exist. New lives are birthed every second, and so are deaths occurring.

In all these, I do not get the sense that God is stressed or depressed, having headache or high blood pressure, getting all worked up, wondering why all things are not going according to plan, getting all frustrated, hot and bothered. We have read that God does get angry, but I don’t get the impression of a discomburbulated God. Now, these are all my own personal views. Without meaning to sound trivia or flippant or even commit sacrilege, the Divine seem to be on top of His game and unperturbed. I appreciate that the ways of man and the ways of God are not the same. As the heavens are higher than the earth so are His ways higher than ours.

The question then is , why are we fearful, stressed, anxious, depressed all worked up, hot and bothered because things are not perfect? Things have not turned out the way we expect, a few people we know have lost the plot, some have even lost a bit more than the plot. The deal has not turned out the way we expect, our job sucks, we lost a loved one, our pet is unwell, a family member has gone wayward, there is infirmity in the body, we have financial pressure etc. These are all very difficult things to handle and painful indeed. Moreover we are just mere mortals and we feel the pain.

However the question remains, how do we become more accepting of those things in life that are troublesome, are unyielding and not allow ourselves to be affected? I guess by accepting!

Accepting does not indicate a lack of faith or effort, accepting indicates a lack of turbulence. Turbulence of the soul. Finding peace in the midst of our trials, understanding the way of life is not always straight and smooth. Through it all, we choose peace and calm.

“… unstable, creates wars, has weapons to wipe out the world twice over, and makes computer viruses …” verdict on the human race by Author and physicist Louis Del Monte. When we hear or read this, we are inclined to dismiss such statement, if not out right dismissal, there is a disinterest and detachment, the statement has no bearing on our immediate life or circle of people. It seems Del Monte is referring to some people far away, not within our circle of influence. Our friends, family, neighbours, colleagues, church members etc are not like that, we reason, and that is if we reason at all. Until! yes until, that day when someone close, within our circle of influence starts to exhibit ‘unstable’ behaviour. At this stage, it might not be creating global war, or making weapons to wipe out the whole world etc, but within themself and amongst people close enough, a war is brewing. And we wonder, what the heck is going on? This is my friend, this is my family, my blood! I have known him/ her since I was born! We have been friends for 27 years!

People can be unstable, incredibly unstable and it is very confusing for the close observer. “Why would he behave like that?” “Why would she say that?” ” Why would they think that make sense?” These are questions that flood our mind when we are confronted with the instability in human beings. A close friend for years start to behave in manners that hit at the root of the relationship, we try all we know to restore peace and harmony, but we might as well have been dealing with a stranger, our friend has become unstable, we can no longer reach, we are pained and troubled, we mourn the loss of that, that is no more.

Some of us are better at this than others. Be it who you may, all the loss of the relationship gets, is a brief mourning period, a quick burial and they move on, quick and speedy. “Relationships are fast moving”, they claim. Others linger, ponder, contemplate, get nostalgic, invest a lot of effort and energy in the restoring and resurrection of that which is no more. After all, it is family, it is friend, it is …. whoever.

The question is, ” what is the best way to handle people when they become unstable?” Is it ‘the move on quickly approach’ or the ‘lingering, trying to restore’ approach? If we dismiss every unstable person from our life, would we have anyone left close to us, given that human beings are prone to instability?

… my roar is my roar, I make no apologies, no excuse, no explanation. It comes as it comes. It is my sound, it is my call to engage, to interact, to interface. Don’t ask me where I am originally from, I am here, I am now, I am me, let’s deal, let me hear your roar, be you, be here, be now, let us deal.

No one ask a lion why it roars, no one ask a snake why it hisses, no one ask a dog why it barks, no one ask the bear why it growls, no one ask the bee why it buzz, no one ask the mice why it squeaks, no one ask the duck why it quacks, no one ask the dolphin why it clicks, etc, don’t ask me why I roar, it is me sound and I must make It!

My pace is my pace, my movement is my movement, my speed is my speed, don’t slow me down, don’t speed my up. Take me as I come and let me be.

…. “my pace is my pace” I maintained adamantly, “So let me be!” I added with the cockiness of a hard core rapper. My logic being that each animal comes with its own pace, the tortoise is slow, that is the way he was designed, the cheetah is fast, that is the way his maker made him, the snake slithers, that is the way he is designed to move, the galloper gallops, the jumper jumps, the hopper hops, etc. And I am ‘me’, doing ‘me’, manifesting ‘me’, moving at ‘me’ pace, so let ‘me’ just be. And ‘you are ‘you’, doing ‘you’, manifesting ‘you’ so I should let you be.

But I have come to wonder, is my pace set like a car on auto cruise or a plane on auto pilot? Is my pace truly my pace? Am I not determined and my pace influenced by my surroundings? Am I simply not a product of my environment? Do I not have to obey the speed limit of the road I find myself on? I am sure that there are a few people who are like cactus, incredibly resourceful, robust and resolute and will thrive in almost any environment, however I suspect that majority of people are like any other plant, our soil, environment, nutrient level, care determines our growth and if you like our pace.

I have been in environment where I have been slowed down by the negativity, energy draining, unbelieving crowd I am surrounded by. My brain is slower, my physical pace is slow, my countenance is dropped, my energy is withdrawn. My outlook on life is negative, my assessment of my self and my projection of where I can go, who I can become is thwarted by the cloud of negativity.

In the same vein, I have been around positive, encouraging, believing people, who approach life with the ‘can do’ attitude, who believe in themselves and believe in me. I walk away from them 10 times taller, I take giant strides, my legs grow out, I bounce, I run, I hop and do all kind of gymnastics. My brain is sharper, my gaze is stronger, my mood is positive and my pace is faster! Yes, my pace is faster! So my pace is not my pace after all, it is influenced!

I guess we have all heard it, to choose our company carefully as this determines our pace and who we become. But sometimes, this is easier said than done, also we need to be careful and assess that we are not the toxic one. But for the sake of argument, if we assume we have carried out self assessment and we are good, we are kosher, no untowardness (at least within reason ) can be found in our camp. How do we deal with the situation where we found that at work, we are surrounded by the most negative bunch of people that life has ever thrown together, or worse still, life has cunningly position us in a family of back stabbers (unpleasant to imagine, but it happens), take it one step further, we are married to ‘dare I say!’ And produce children that are likewise? Let’s move away from family, our church or any place of worship or even social gatherings, clubs , where we are regular, is festering with moaners and complainers. There is no pleasant way to put this, but we are in for some stunted growth and sloooooowwwww pace, unless we proactively find ways to introduce nutrient to our life.

To grow, we must leave hindering environment and be planted in nourishing one, to improve our pace we must be in enabling environment. Physical leaving is ideal, but not always straightforward and sometimes not practically possible especially in the short term. However we can all mentally, internally, psychologically uproot ourselves and start our journey in a positive direction. We can blank out in our minds, people and environment that are not conducive to our growth and embrace positive and uplifting experiences. I have read stories of people in incarceration, on death row for crimes that they did not committ, but somehow have found ways to liberate themselves in their minds. I accept that even this is excruciatingly difficult in certain circumstances especially where people have been bastardised, but we can only but try.

Our pace is not our pace, we are product of our environment and where we have opportunity to choose our environment, our pace is as a result of our decisions.

… “tell us your reason” they demanded. I was numb and quiet, I uttered not a word, I wasn’t deliberately being unresponsive, uncooperative or going incommunicado. “Write then” they conceded, “do it in your space, in your time” they added and I left. I got a pen and paper and sat down to write, 5 hours later all I had was a pen and a paper and not a single word, not even a dot on the paper. “So what is my reason?” I asked myself, it was just me alone now, I can be honest with myself, there is nothing or no one to fear, moreover I can admit to myself and not disclose my admittance to anyone, still nothing came out. I mean N-O-T-H-I-N-G, I was as blank as the answer space for question 7a (2004 Calculus exam).

I knew I had a reason, I am not flippant, shallow or light, I come from a deep, determined and purposeful place. But my reason was buried so so deep , that even I began to wonder if I had a reason, l wondered if this was one of those random, unexplainable act that had no logic or rationale to it. I hate to admit it, but I wondered if I was slowly loosing my mind. There was only one thing left to do to resolve this, one place left to go, I ran to my friend, TIME. Yes, TIME!

I camped quietly with time and without the slightest of interruption, I allowed time to do what it does best. With the gentlest of hand, time started to carefully lift the layers and layers of materials under which my reason was deeply buried, painstakingly she worked her way unpicking at my burden in the same manner a seamstress carefully unpicks a dodgy hem to reveal the intricate detailing at the base of the garment. I sure had a reason, I was not clueless or dumb, I was suppressed, my reason was under layers of abuse, fear, conditioning, wrong beliefs, confusion, constraints, upbringing, exposure, relationships, subjections, manipulation, discombobulation, peer pressure, societal conformity and approvals, political correctness, etc

The integrity of my reason had to be preserved and not corrupted in the delicate unveiling process, it had to be done in the same manner in which a priceless painting is preserved and then revealed without damage. Time did a stellar job and as the last layer of ‘dross’ is removed, my reason came out in sincerity, without emotion, bitterness or anger, it shone forth as a bright light, it came out as a force of nature, like a volcanic eruption deep in the mountain waiting for it’s time to explode, I exploded. I couldn’t stop talking, I couldn’t write fast enough.

I had a reason and it is pure!

… with a need to make a decision, I was determined to keep my eyes wide open and consider all the facts, every single one of them. Sure enough, I saw all the details, every single one of them, from every possible angle, all the relevant and the irrelevant, the necessary and the unnecessary, the important and the unimportant, the contributory and the non-contributory. I was awash with information, I was over stimulated, over informed, information overload did not begin to describe my situation. I was swamped, I was snowed under, I felt like the mad professor, needing to write a 10 page document but with thousands of pages of research findings to wad through to extract the relevant conclusions. With all my findings, I was non the wiser, nothing had missed my eyes, but I did not see any clearer. Decision making took back seat, becoming my secondary aim, as wading through tons of information moved to the fore. I became pre occupied with sorting through my avalanche of information and putting some order to the drum loads of information.

Inertial kicked in, with my opened eyes, I was in darkness, I could not see, I was deeply distracted. Time was fast running out for me, perplexed and in desperation, not knowing what to do, I threw my hands up in the air and closed my eyes! Immediately I saw less, all the irrelevant and unimportant vanished from my ‘sight’, the drum loads of information shrunk, my senses became clearer, my perception kicked in, my hearing was stronger, I ‘saw better! I kept my eyes closed as the light was shining through and then I heard a voice behind me. The voice was there all along but I could not hear it with my open eyes. And the voice ‘walked’ me through my information stack and helped me to make my decision, saying, “this is the way; walk in it, turn to the right hand, turn to the left“.

I made my decision, I reached my destination! So I opened my eyes. “Ah” was all I could say, my destination looked like nothing I thought it would, but the peace which passeth all understanding filled my heart. I unpacked and made my home.

… I dragged myself along, feeling bored and tired, observing how dreary and lacklustre life had become. Nothing seem new and exciting, I felt like I had done it, been there and I have the T-shirt to show for it. I wondered “where is life?” And “What is the point?”. My little one was with me and she didn’t seem to share my miserable outlook on life. It seemed we were in two different worlds and maybe we were. She has hopping and somersaulting all over the place, tickling me and tickling herself, poking at any and everything she could see. She was sniffing the air and picking all kinds of aromas, wanting to eat this, that and everything. She was laughing so loudly, talking at the top of her voice, all at the same time. She broke out into an off-key singing, totally oblivious of what key she should be singing in, beaming from ear to ear at strangers. In short, she was having a one-person party and enjoying herself. In the same world, same space, all of these were happening at the same time, me in my ‘you know what’ mood and she in her very happy mood. It dawned on me, that the issue was not the world, it was me, it was her, it was every one of us and how we engage with life.

In the very very far distance, from yonder, I then hear an extremely faint sound, a distinct voice, audible, crystal, but still faint, I could not miss it anywhere. It was a lion! “The forest is not silent,” he said, “Tune in, my friend” he added. “I hear nothing” I replied. “Tune in” he insisted. The forest is awash with all kinds of sounds and noises; Twigs snapping, birds chirping, wolf howling, bees buzzing, an owl hooting, duck quacking, water flowing, fish jumping, dogs barking, frogs croaking, snakes hissing, stream bubbling. Elephants, tigers, coyotes, lizards, insects, etc are all in the forest making their noises. Tune In!

As I move my hand towards the dial, the voice of Lion slowly vanished away. I stopped midway and pondered, the choice is truly mine, whether I engage with life or not, whether I tune in to the sounds of the forest or not, the forest is not silent, the voice of Lion might no longer be heard, but the forest is not silent, day or night! I can party with my little one or stand aloof, but the party goes on and that is the way it goes. That is just the way it goes.

… over and over again, I have wondered what is the point of several things that happen around me, things that I do, things that others do, acts of nature, etc. Some of my whatisthepoint questions are minor, almost insignificant things, others are pretty weightier issues.

I will throw out some of my whatisthepoint questions, with no rhyme or reason to the order. What is the point of having a home manicure or pedicure? It is rarely well done and chips in no time. What is the point of intense feelings at the initial stage of falling in love and then everyone comes to their senses after a few months? What is the point of a fruit tree in a remote location that no one ever partakes of the fruit and it all falls to the ground and rot? What is the point of wearing horrible ill-fitting shoes that only give us backache and bad posture? What is the point of being nice to horrible people who are as mean as the devil himself? What is the point of giving gifts to wasteful and ungrateful children? What is the point of working so hard and the government taking most of the remuneration in tax? What is the point of worrying when it does not change or improve any situation? What is the point of ironing our beddings and nightwears when all will be rumpled by the time we wake up? What is the point of having so many pillows on the bed we are going to sleep in when most of the pillows will be removed? What is the point of becoming wiser when we are older when we have already left a trail of foolishness and littered our paths with silliness or even stupidity? What is the point of exorbitantly priced anti-ageing cream, when if we hang around long enough, we will all be old and wrinkly? What is the point in packing the twins into a ‘fitted’ bra when at some point everything will go south? What is the point of facial hair on women? It serves no point but embarrassment … and the list goes on.

But I have some more serious whatisthepoint questions and please don’t shoot me down. Sometimes I have wondered – ‘what is the point of prayer?’ Some prayers are answered, others seem not to be answered and we are not sure why the answered prayers are answered and why the unanswered prayers are not answered. And before we start, we are not even sure which prayers will be answered and which ones will not be answered. Some don’t even pray and seem to get answers to their ‘no prayers ‘. Others pray all night, go to the mountain top and fast and there seems to be no answer. As Paul said, I am only reasoning as a human, please do not shoot me down.

And this takes us to the grandfather of all whatisthepoint questions. What is the point of life itself? ‘Vanity upon vanity’ Solomon said. We come naked, we go naked, we can take nothing with us. In between, we acquire and acquire and acquire, but all we must leave behind. We toil, chase our tails, do our little dance about why we are here and then it is finished. We have our 5 minutes in the spotlight and then it is the turn of the next act.

I will like to end with a clever and cute conclusion, but the truth is that I do not know the point to most of the whatisthepoint questions, simple or serious ones. However, I am determined to give life my best shot, to chase my tail with vigour, to pray in faith, to apply my anti-ageing cream diligently, to pack my twins well, to live my life with purpose and maybe, just maybe, the point will become clearer at a later time.

… we all as adults have a compass with which we navigate the world we find ourselves in. We are not necessarily aware of it, but that is what ultimately determines our destinations above every other thing. The compass influence our decisions and our decisions (large and small) make us. Who we are today is a result of decisions we made yesterday and who we become tomorrow and where we land will be as a result of decisions we make today.

Fear and faith are the two main compasses that influence our decision making. By default, fear can become our compass if we are not vigilant. Fear is an inbuilt emotion and everyone experiences fear to one degree or another. But must fear rule us? Must fear determine the course of our lives? Must we use fear as the determining factor of what we should do and not do? Must we sniff out fear in the same manner as a black bear sniff out food? Must we go in a straight line, like hypnotized bees in the direction of fear? Must we hibernate and camp with fear?

Fear is compelling, intense and convincing. Fear is a bully, a ruthless master that accepts nothing else but obedience. “Do nothing” fear tells us, “freeze!” it whispers. And when we obey, we are rewarded, but rewarded with what? Regressive peace! Inappropriate calmness! We get the serenity of a man going nowhere. There is a quietness and stillness that belongs to those who are asleep and have gone yonder but not to those who are alive. Fear draws us in and demands a stillness that should not be part of our repertoire.

We must be aware of our fears, but not play to them, we don’t need to dance to the music. We can still the voice of fear and increase the volume of faith. Fear must not be the compass with which we navigate life. In order words, feeling fearful should not be an indicator to abandon or not pursue a course of action. We ought to have a foundation that is much deeper than fear. Faith, courage, belief, etc should be the bedrock of our endeavour, not fear, never should be fear. Fear is an ever-present, ready, willing yet uninvited guest and we do well to always remember this. Fear is never on the guest list but will turn up regardless and take the place of honour, it becomes our duty to displace fear. A healthy awareness of potential dangers and an understanding of the risks of any endeavour is necessary and we should do all we can to manage risk and mitigate undesirable outcomes. But a crippling attitude to life is non-fulfilling and this is what happens when fear is our compass.

Faith is the compass that will lead us to our true destination, to the promised land, to fulfilment, therefore to live the abundant life we have to walk in Faith! Walking in faith requires determination, and purposefulness coupled with effort and this is the right compass to stir us in the direction of destiny.