… how many times have we heard or even uttered the ‘if only’ phrase. It is the favourite starting phrase of the lazy person, whether it be mental or physical laziness. We could all do better or differently if the world was a different place, but the world is what it is and we are who we are and we are where we are, so we might as well just get on with it.

The number of times I have heard, “if only I had more support”, or “if only I was born into a different family”, or “if only I had more money”, “if only my parents were nicer”, “if only I was…” taller, shorter, slimmer or whatever. “If only more people responded to the call”, “if only more people in my networking group were active”, “if only my Pastor had more power”, “if only my Husband was more supportive”, “if only my wife was more submissive”, “if only I live abroad”, “if only there were no migrants in the country”, “if only we had good leaders”, “if only politicians weren’t liars”, “if only we were all of one race”, “if only there is no pain”, “if only I can eat whatever I like and not get fat”, “if only I can rest some more”, “if only things can be easier”, “if only human beings had three legs” etc.

Those that have changed and impacted the world and left footprints in the sand of time have first and foremost accepted the world as it is, they have accepted that humans do not come with three legs, that most come with two legs, some with one and even others with none and they have seeked to maximise that which they have, to make the best use of what they have, to stretch it to its optimal level. They have drained the status quo of every drop of its life blood. We can’t make everyone like us, that is not possible, but we still must seek to excel within the dislike, we must know how to eat our breakfast within a mile of the enemie’s watching gaze, in Col Jessup’s words we must learn to “eat breakfast three hundred yards from four thousand Cubans trained to kill …” us.

The ‘if only’ will get us absolutely no where, that is the vehicle without a wheel. It is toothless, it can’t bite. We must take the legs we have and run with it. What we don’t have, we don’t have, it can not produce or make way for us. The seed we don’t have can not be planted and will not germinate. What we have is our only hope. The 1% that will run is what we have to work with not the 99% that will not move. The haters that watch us eat breakfast might be the only fans we have for now, we must find a way to convert that energy into propelling fuel.

‘If only’ is the slogan, the watch word, the mission statement of the lazy, the ineptitude, the ones going absolutely no where, the sloth. We are not of these lot, we are the ones that change the world, the ones that run with the legs we are given, not lament what we don’t have. We glow within the gaze of the enemies without insisting the foes become friends.

‘If only’ will never be our watchword. Life is as it is and we are as we are, and we are mighty and will do exploit! You can’t quench it!

… healthy relationships are conducted within the comfort and safety of a band. Rarely will it stretch outside this band and if it does it will be ever so little and infrequent such that the stretch will be easily forgiven and forgotten and will in all honesty settle back into the healthy respect zone.

Unhealthy relationship stretches out to undesirable zones, it starts life in the comfort zone of respect and cordiality, before stretching out to contempt, disrespect, disdain and all manner of unpleasantness. It attempts to spring back to the zone of respectability, but usually the damage has been done and the elasticity of the relationship has been affected, it has become slack and lost it’s firmness. It has the title of what it used to be but now lost shape, like a girdle task with the duty of keeping it all sucked in and firmed up but now everything hangs out and down in its shapeless form. I guess we have all been there with various items of clothing and accessories. Once the elasticity is gone, it is really gone, it holds nothing together, can never be back to where it was and might just be time to rid ourselves of the burden of such item. Relationships are like that, whether it be lovers, friends, families, colleagues etc once stretched out to a certain level can never be the same. It could be one incident, but if the stretch was so taut and held in tension for a length of time, the damage is done! People say forgive and forget, of course we forgive, but how do you forget when the elasticity is gone, for once it is gone, it is gone. Similar to virginity, once it is gone, it is gone. Some people treat us with disrespect, contempt and disdain, they now come back all sweet and lovely, failing to realise that the veil has been lifted, the face has already been seen, putting the veil back on can no longer conceal what has already been revealed. It is better never to go to some places, never to do some things, the damage has been done, it can not be undone.

Atimes individuals in relationship are like earthquake zones, unknown to some peoples, these are zones ridden with ‘faults’ that can erupt with stress or other factors. On a normal day all is calm and peaceful and gbam! without any obvious provocation, there is an almighty eruption with its ensuing destruction and disruption and when it is all over, there is calm again. The unlearned with consider that it is all over, they will forgive and forget as is popularly torted. However Seismologists know to designate an area earthquake zone and give adequate warnings with the hope that necessary precautions are taken. If a person fears and abhors earthquake then with such knowledge they can avoid those zones. Others might choose to stay but understanding the risk. But staying in an earthquake zone and assuming that because all is calm now all will remain calm is foolhardy. The same applies to a relationship. To live in the fool’s paradise with an earthquake zone prone person and assume there will be no further eruption based on the current sweetness displayed is disillusionary. We must not forget the fault under the surface. We can still build our house in the zone, if we choose, but we will do well to have earthquake insurance in place. They are nice, kind, sweet and generous is not sufficient, there is a fault, they are earthquake zone and can erupt at any time. If you want to stay and forgive, that is a choice, but to forget is foolhardy, the elasticity is affected, the girdle can no longer hold the shape, you can no longer rely on it for the lift. Remember earthquake lowers the earth’s available elastic potential energy and raises its temperature. Turbulent people are unreliable in relationship, they lower the elasticity of the relationship, stretches the band beyond its optimal level and raises the temperature.

Chose where you build your house, it is entirely your choice. Earthquake zone are prone to eruptions, it is all in the fault. The band can loose elasticity.

Lift your soul not lower it! Stay in shape!

… but it exists. Sometimes the distance causes us to question its existence. The seemingly difficulties of reaching it makes us give up and accept that what we have and where we are is all that there is, all that exist, all that we can acquire, but heaven is real. Why is heaven important? Why must we long to go there, we can’t we just accept and settle for where we are now? ‘Heaven’ in this write up is not a physical destination but rather a internal state of deep peace, fulfilment and contentment, irrespective of our external circumstances. With this definition heaven is much closer for dsome people than others depending on where we all each find ourselves in the journey of life.John Milton rightly said and I quote “The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven..” so I am referring to the heaven of the mind. Sometimes in our mind, it is pure hell, full of bitterness, choas, confusion, frustration, agitation, depression, name it all kind of evil and disturbance is going on, usually very reflective of our external circumstances and we conclude that this is all there is. Hell is where we are, hell is all that is happening, it is al we can have and we embrace and settle for this unpleasant destination. But I believe there is a different and better narative, there is another destination, heaven exists irrespectiveof the circumstances we ourselves in, but we must want it, we must be prepared to pay the price, to make journey. We must be prepared to go deep, to reach the bedrock, we must dive all the way down, shutting our eyes and ears to the noise and distractions. Like a deep sea diver we must have that focus to reach the bottom of the ocean where the true treasure lies. When we get to heaven, nothing can move us, nothing can disturb us. We ar at ‘the right hand of the father’, we are in peace, storms of life come, but we are unperturbed. The journey to heaven is s purposeful and determined one, it does not usually happen unplanned, waking up one morning and just find ourselves in that place of deep peace. It rarely walks in unsolicited. We do not land in space unplanned, the waves dp not takes alive and back to the bottom of ocean. We train to be a diver. We train to go to heaven. We train our mind, we rid ourselves of negative thoughts, behaviour and habits. We quieten our minds, we forgive, we do away with bitterness and we dig deep. We stay on the mountain and we focus the mind away from distraction and noise and right within our being, from our core the light breaks forth and illuminate us, and we understand that the salvation we seek is right within us. We must tame the mind to make it heaven.Heaven is possible, not matter how far, we can get there, let’s go!

… why would you? What is the allure? What is the appeal? What is in it for you? Why would you follow it? What do you get from it? What is your gain? Why would you join the agitation? What is in trouble? What is in restlessness? Why do we start the aimless, vigorous dance? Why? But more importantly why do we join those doing the dance?

Quietly we sat, meditating, ruminating, enjoying the peace, slowing drifting off into a sweet slumber and just then, the agitated arrive with the intensity of urgency, demanding company, without thought we joined in the haphazard dance. Maybe we could have responded differently. Maybe we could have said ‘not today ‘ maybe we could have continued our snooze. Maybe we have a right to say ‘no’. Maybe we could have walked away. Maybe we didn’t have to give any of it a second thought. Maybe we should have cleared our mind. Maybe we should not ruminate on it and give it head space. Maybe we could have tuned out, tuned off, switched off. Maybe we should pursue peace with all our being. Maybe we owe it to ourself to not let our heart be troubled. Maybe the agitated will always be agitated. Maybe agitation will always come. Maybe trouble will always come and maybe we always have a choice.

Yes, we always have a choice. I choose to not follow the agitation.

Peace!

… so I got to the reception of this place, gave my name, my purpose of visit to the receptionist and said who I was meeting. They were expecting me or should anyway. I had been before and all arrangements had been made. She stared at me as if something was missing and I thought to myself ‘there we go again!’. I was not in the mood for whipping out no tail today, so I just stood there tail-less. Her discomfort was increasing and her gaze becoming more piecing, I still was not budging. Unable to take it any longer, she sputtered out, “where is your tail?” Reluctantly I fumbled in my bag, muttering some incomprehensible words whilst producing a miniature tail and stuck it to my behind . Unimpressed but relieved she allowed me the rite of passage with the undisguished look of disappointment. I was not perturbed, mission accomplished with less fuss than I wanted.

The longer your tail the more acceptance, recognition, validation, respect, accolades, name it, you get. The shorter the tail, the less of anything you get and if for whatever reason you decide to appear tail-less, then you guess it! people do not know what to do with you, how to relate to you, they can’t place you and if they can’t place you then they are inclined to discount and dismiss you. And we do not want to be discounted or dismissed, so we all tend to keep some version of a tail in our bags. Some actually keep them permanently stuck to their behind saves a lot of hassle.

Someone I know was about to write a book and was speaking to a somewhat recognised author. The author advised that no one was going to buy or read his book unless he has a tail. He tried to argue that what about if he had some profound insight of great benefit to mankind in easy to digest doses or some interesting, motivating, funny, name it, stuff to share. The answer was still ‘no’ no one wants a tail-less author. He asked ‘isn’t the content sufficient to sell the book?’ The answer remains ‘no’, no tail no sale!

The irony is that human beings do not pop out with tails, however to navigate life we are expected to have a sweeping tail behind us to have and enjoy any modicum of recognition. By now some are wondering what this ‘tail’ is. The tail is obviously figurative not an actual physical tail. But tail refers to those attributes by which we seek or people accord us worth. We tend to forget that a human being is worthy in and of him or herself just by virture of being born a human being.

In the case of the receptionist above, she asked, ‘where are you from?’ a very different question from ‘where are you originally from?’ The purpose of my visit did not require a disclosure of that information but not withstanding I was ‘worthless’ to her without providing it. She already knew I was there as a consultant and my contact was expecting me anyway. My presence and person was not sufficient. I was actually unsure what to tell her. I was running my own business, the Chief Executive, Director, Proprietor, whatever of my company. A company I am sure she had never heard of. I was thinking, so how do I answer, where am I from? Do I tell her the name of my Company, what train station I came from, what city my company is based, where I lived, what country my ancestors are from, or do I just say I am from my mothers womb, a long line of dynamic people or maybe even from the Lord God Almighty. The question is ‘why is it important? Some might argue she needed to know in order to relay the information, ‘no’ she did not!

In the case of my writer friend, he was told that unless he has a ‘profile’ nobody will buy or read his book. So he needed to build himself a profile. How long will it tak to do this? But the point is his mouth is hot now, he had the message for the moment and no one wil listen even though what he had to say is profitable for the immediate season. The problem being he had no tail.

Some humans have truly mastered the skills of whipping their tail, the long tail I must add. Rather than just be, they are the child of so and so, married to so and so. All their lives they name drop and the sense of relevance us tightly connected to the people they know and hob nob with. Some tails are not about people per se, but where we are from, what part of the country we are from, where we lived, where we schooled, what firms we work for, what gym we go to, what supermarket we shop at, where we buy our clothes etc all these things are ‘tails’ and in my opinion unecesaary to determine worth, we are intentionally created tail-less. Whilst most if not all of these things are good and beneficial and not to be mocked or derided, they are not and should not determine out worth, our worth is deeply embedded in our being, just being alive, a human being, a tail-less one, that is all it’s about, everything else is accessory.

Be! Just be, it’s enough!

… I am the CEO of my corporation. I am running the show, on top of my game. I know what I am doing and I tell people what to do. I cruise in and out. I am handling all things well and I am as smooth as velvety cream. I am crisp, I am sharp and when my brain is on fire it is cutting edge. When I enter the room, everyone is on their feet and the place of honour is reserve for me. At home, I am not doing badly as well, the children are on top of their studies, the home is in good order, all the staff are faithful and hard working. I have even mastered my hybrid cake I bake over the festive season, it comes out flawless, everyone knows what to expect. You can’t taste a better pot of stew than mine and that is a fact. My driving is great, you enter my car and you might as well go to sleep. It is a cruise and I do it effortlessly, autopilot is more like it. My sudoku and crossword skills are not bad either, at least I always manage to finish! I have managed to get my wardrobe into shape, you ought to check out the way I put myself together. Fitness and exercise is going well, just completed the half marathon, training for the marathon.

I am the GO (general overseer) of my ministry, the spiritual head, the one that God speaks to and I relay it to the people. I am revered, respected and honoured. Wherever I go I am served the best meal. I met with dignitaries and people of calibre. I am recognised and celebrated wherever I go. I am truly living the life. But am I really?

Well, I have just entered a room and nobody seems to knows who I am and if they do, none of them give a monkey. I am learning this new skill and to be honest even I will admit I am not great at it, terrible might be a more accurate description. This is a new experience for me, unpleasant one I must admit, I am at a place where I am not very good at what I am doing, possibly the worse and at this stage I am confuse, with no clue how to improve and why everyone else finds it so easy. My ego is suffering, I am humbled and I want to run out. Somehow I managed to see the first session through. It is reflection time at home and I have been questioning myself why I have to subject myself to such humiliation, given I am good at so many things, why a person of my standing should have to descend to this low. I am seriously considering withdrawing from it all, in the scheme of things this is unnecessary pressure, totally uncalled for, unbecoming, I don’t need to prove anything to anyone, ‘I am learned’ I told myself. The feeling of not being good was unpalatable, I am used to being good at what I do. I kept wondering ‘what the heck was I doing in that room?’ I must quit, I really must!

And it came to me, ‘that’ room is exactly where I need to be. That room is the place of growth, of development, of improvement, of life, of increase. The room where character is built and tested, the room where my humanity is tried. Every other room and area of my life where I have reached the pinnacle, becomes a place of decline. We are not to turn our back on our successes, but we must continue to actively seek opportunity for growth. Nature does not condone stagnation, we are either increasing or decreasing, improving or declining, proceeding or receeding, we are rarely ever static, neither going forward nor backward. If we are not learning something new, we are most likely loosing what we have already learnt. A wise person said, if you enter a room and you are the most knowledgeable one in there, then you are in the wrong room.

To grow we all need a couple of ‘what am I doing here? Experiences. The ‘should I really be here?’ Or ‘I think I am better than these!’ As well as ‘I am in the wrong room, where are my fans, my sycophans?’ ‘I better pack this in, at least I have succeeded in a lot of areas in my life”. ‘I am confused and humbled, I am no longer used to not being the best”. These experiences are truly good for the soul. It is the gateway to a fulfilling life. If you have not had course to ask yourself any of these questions lately. It might be time to review and add some of those ‘humbling’ experiences to spice up your life.

What are we doing here? To grow, learn, increase, improve, be a blessing, all summed up in tackling new challenges to live.

So Live!

… Coventry is the ‘place’ you are sent to when you are not wanted, when you have been rejected and excluded. It is the place where you are expected to descend into irrelevance and insignificance. Coventry is not an actual place in this sense, it is the treatment mete out that indicates the banishment. The so called culprit, deserving of this evil treatment, is not acknowledged in any shape or form, this is done by not talking to the person, avoiding his company, and behaving as if he longer exist. Victims are treated as though they are completely invisible and inaudible. It is the place where misery is meant to consume and overtake a person. The expellers get the sadistic joy and fulfillment from the demise of the expelled. ‘It serves him right’ they all nod in evil unison. He is not one of us and therefore is not entitled to any form of warmth, inclusion, comradeship or happiness. He definitely should not thrive and Coventry is the best place for him to languish in misery. The expeller is happy and at peace with this outcome and narrative.

However, hold on a minute! Things haven’t gone according to plan. The ostracized is thriving! The excluded is not feeling excluded, the rejected is succeeding and building a mansion in Coventry. The victim has found peace and is soaring, in season or out of season, joy is prevailing in Coventry. It is either the expelled does not realise he is in Coventry or that Coventry has become a place of release. The prison that was meant to curtail has become the launching pad to greatness. The prisoner has become the prime minister and the resentful brothers are disoriented.

Sneakily one after the other, the expellers are appearing in Coventry to spy out the source of joy, why the plan has not worked! Confused and bemused, they cry out, ‘we have been treated unfairly, the Ostracized or the Coventrians have excluded us!’ How in the world is that possible? The restless in spirit will always seek to muddle the water. The ones that resents our happiness and progress will withheld their goodwill and afterward cry ‘foul!’ Even when the unfair act is coming from them. This is all noise of the market and when they can’t beat us, they play the victim which is painfully unbecoming.

Well, we will continue to succeed, and abound, we will swin in whatever water we are thrown into. We will stay on our lane, on the path of joy, peace and happiness, no man can trouble us and maybe one day they will find and embrace peace.

In the meantime, what exactly is happening in Coventry? We are thriving!

Thrive!!!

… yes he did! Sumptuous meal, beautifully prepared and presented. It tasted delicious, there was no doubt, the aroma filled the air, she ate to her satisfaction. Passer bys dribbed all over themselves as they watch her eat. They envied her and longed for what she had. She knew their thoughts and she looked at them, nodded and smiled, a fake and coy smile for she knew what comes after the feeding. The bit no one sees, he murdered her! He didn’t kill her physically, her shell was always on display, beautifully adorned, but within she was dead. He took her essence and wasted it. He trampled all over her soul. He snatched her confidence from her. He took her dreams and smashed it to pieces. He told her she was nobody and none would want her. He was subtle about the abuse, but he did it. He treated her as a slave, one to worship him and meet his every need, that was her role, yet he fed her!

The light and sparkle in her eyes were gone, in its place there was a sad and hollow look. She lived in fear, fear of his demands, his public humiliation, his criticism, fear of his presence, his energy, his expectations, yet he fed her.

She resigned to her prison, accepted that the present hell was her destiny. She tried to cry out that she was in hell but everyone shut her down, ‘at least he fed you’ they all said. She resigned to what she considered her lot in life.

She confronted him about his treatment and all he can say is ‘but I fed you! I fed you, I really fed you, I fed you very well, I fed you sumptuously, I fed you like no one else feeds, what else do you want? You ingrate!’

Physically she was not hungry, but her soul was famished, she was drained, life had been sucked out of her, yet no one heard her cry because she was fed. The few that heard her cry could not lend a hand for her escape, they know not how to release a fattened cow.

I am chef, he said, I use me knife to chop up food, to make her gourmet meals and when I am done I use the same knife to chop her up. I am a chef, that is my calling, my role, beating his chest and vibrating, he shouted, “I fed her!”

How do we handle the chef that uses his knife for good and evil? How do we release her? I have always wondered whether we all have a responsibility to guide the chef on how and when to use the knife. The knife must remain a tool to aid in nourishing and building up not cutting and tearing up a person.

He fed her!

… we have troubled days, the difficult ones that makes no sense and it seems like all the cohort of some dark place has been let loose. We also have peaceful days, the gentle and easy days, when everything works, order reigns, love abounds, we understand and are understood, there is no conflict, it is all free and we go to bed with the blissful carefree abandonment of a baby. The rational mind will choose the peaceful days over the troubled days naturally. But I couldn’t help but wonder if the days are just all the same packed full of everything, joy, peace, happiness, sadness, grief, disorders, choas, lightness, love, hatred, friendship, enemies etc all mixed up. And the day chooses what to reveal and promote, some days are more of this and less of that, other days are totally this and hardly any of that and those days that reveal just one aspect are purely an illusion because underneath and within the trouble days are peaceful ones, and within the peaceful days, disturbance is lurking. Now that we know and understand , how do we approach each of the days regardless of what it throws at us and the side of the face it chooses to reveal? We develop and strengthen our beings to soar beyond the happenings around us. We are not reliant on the peaceful days to quieten our souls such that the troubled days agitate us. We must be the masters of self soothing and comforting. Our minds, souls and spirit must be the enduring, everlasting and permanent oasis that we can always retire to and rest in. The bible says ” let not your heart be troubled” the key to navigating life irrespective of what life throws or what the day brings is to have a trouble-free heart. We must be people that build up our inner man and are not dependent on externalities for our mood or succour.

Our inner peace we must guard and protect with all dilligence. None of the happenings of the day has access to our peace unless we allow it. The days comes and go bringing with it whatever it chooses. And on those days when the offering is unpalatable we must go in, and dig deep and even deeper if we have to until we reach that place of peace and release. A man must find quietness to do this, it does not exist in the boisterous noise of the day or of the mind.

All days are good, even the bad ones, all days are generally the same, with a bit of this, a bit of that, a ying, a yang, day, night, , dusk, dawn, have, not have, right, wrong etc

Take each day as it comes. Enjoy, Run the day!

… now this is going to be a sensitive one, but we must do, say and write what we need to do, say and write. However our intentions have to be true, pure and noble. But as a ‘thought’ writer I carry the responsibility to be true and faithful to the thought even when I do not fully agree or when I cringe at some of them. By nature I am a gentle, ‘mind your business’ kind of person, a writer however is none of that, a writer does not mind his or her business, we mind the business we see, are inspired and instructed to write about. At the end if the day, we are simply messengers delivering a message and praying that we find the grace, fortitude and maturity to deliver it in the most appropriate manner, our message needs to be healing, restoring, correcting, nourishing, nurturing, uplifting, providing insight and building up. The message is true, the delivery might be questionable, the comprehension might be weak. As a writer, my prayer is that I will get to the stage where the message will be delivered with the purity and tightness that it demands. Being a mortal vessel, this is a work in progress, a journey one has embarked on. We stay faithful to the baby rudimental thoughts and trust that with time we can coax the mothers and grand mother of thoughts out. But we are very much aware that they we will not come forth unless we show faithfulness in little and pave the way for them. They demand faithfulness, readiness, awareness, an understanding, respect and regard that comes with being the custodian of a message. The carrier must know that she is carrying life, destiny, magnitude, change, authority, purpose, restoration etc and must therefore be circumspect. The carrier is not the originator of the message, nor the producer of the message just a messager chosen to bear responsibility.

All said, I can now address the topic of the day. To be weak is not a sin, is not a crime and is purely a description of the state at which a thing or person is. In this write up, it is not judging or condemning. Frequent display of certain negative emotions comes from a place of weakness. Weakness of mind. The stronger our minds, the less likely we are to indulge in such emotions. Anger, the bible says lies in the bosom of the fool. A fool is a weak person. That does not mean we must never get angry. But anger must be sparing in the camp of the wise, strong and mature. Anger must be tailored, contained and controlled. Our mind left to its devises will run wild, we have the job to tame and put it in order. Unfortunately at some time we did not realise this and just allowed the mind to go in whichever direction it chooses.

In a sense the mind is not much different from our physical bodies. Most of us wake up in the morning looking like we have just woken up, unkempt hair, smelly breath, sweaty armpit, rumpled clothes etc some look better than others, but generally we all need tidying up, cleaning and freshening and then we step out looking like daisy. The weak in body can not do this by himself or herself. The weak in mind has the physical strength but not the wherewith to get their personal hygiene sorted out.

In the same manner we don’t always wake up to a tidy and pristine mind, all kind of negative emotions seek expression, we have anger, depression, jealousy, frustration, despondence, sadness, frustration etc. In the same way we are proactive about our physical cleanliness we ought to make time for our mental and psychological hygiene. Without strengthening our physical muscles they become weak, without strengthening our mind, it becomes weak and we display more and more of negative emotions. We are encouraged to renew our minds.

We are our own observers and guide, if we notice that we are indulging and dsplaying a lot of negative emotions, then we understand the state of the mind, if we have foul breath, we all understand that we should grab our toothbrush, if our bodies are weak and energy low, we understand we must get into the gym, if we pass a mirror and we look ‘a state’ we know we need to excuse ourselves and freshen up. When we see constant negative emotions on display in our life, it is time to step back and strengthen that beautiful mind of ours.

Be strong, strengthen your mind!