… not for the faint hearted, the fearful or the conformist, love takes no prisoners, it is ruthless, unbending and unyielding in its pursuits. One minute there is peace, serenity and calm and the next minute, with no warning an almighty turmoil descends, sweeping along everything in it’s path, not a second to catch the breath.

Love has no respect for the status quo, it strikes at the most unlikely time, in the most unlikely place, to the most unlikely people. Love is blind, blind to every set norm, love is gripping and grabbing, demanding attention and fulfilment. Love is persistent, the journey is intense, exhilarating and dangerous, the duration is unknown, the destination is a mystery. Love travels at the speed of lighting as you hold on for dear life. Yes, dear life! As the very life is at risk in the journey of love. No journey known to man provides such pleasure, such flavour, such intensity, such punch, yes it hits hard, in all the hidden sensitive parts. Love is mad, raging mad, at least to the uninitiated it is, it makes no sense, it conforms to nothing, answers to no one and does its own thing. Love is the lord of its own travel, the master of its destination. He alone understands its purpose. It’s aim is as mysterious as it’s sudden appearances. What commotion it causes in an otherwise orderly life and civilised society?

At the same time, how bland and boring is a life without love? How listless and unsatisfying is a loveless life, lacking the energy and umph that gives life it’s fire. Fire indeed is what love brings, fire heals, lightens and cooks but also burns, burns badly and causes irredeemable damage. Who can carry fire in his busom and not get burn? Like a roller coaster ride it takes the heart through every conceivable and inconceivable twist and turns, high and low, width and breath, depth and height. And just like that, with a sudden thump the journey ends, the break is pulled, the heart comes to a halt, the ride is over, the fair moves to the next city.

And what was that all about? Who knows?

… words are incredibly powerful, if not the most powerful tool on the face of the earth. Possibly the most powerful anywhere, heaven, earth, space, other planets etc. Words create, words destroy. It gives birth to, it kills. Most raging wars going on for decades started on the basis of some words that were allegedly uttered. Words create life, man meets girl, says some sweet words, she is in love, before you know, they come together, a child is born! Words are spoken to motivate, control thousands or people to act in one way or another. Words summons people to our presence and words drive them away. He who has mastered the use of words is set up for a very exciting life. The scriptures tells us that the power of life and death is in the tongue and those who love it will eat the fruit.

In life when it boils down to it, and all is distilled to it’s finest and smallest granular, words might just be that one thing we have to hold on to. The number of times people have said they have nothing, yet they have words. As long as we have words, we have everything, yes EVERYTHING! But we don’t understand the potency and creative power of words. We don’t know what we have, we have no clue how to use it, we waste it, we squander it, we abuse it, we misuse it and we wonder why it never works for us, why it never produces for us. In the beginning all that was, was the Word. Without going into a theological thesis about ‘The Word’ this write up is to stir us up and make us understand and realise the gem that we have. If only we know! If only we understand what words can do for us and others! There is a lot of merit in letting our words be few, in choosing our words carefully, in curbing the impulse to run off with our mouth.

It is interesting that babies never pop out with a fully developed control of words. It is a tool they can not handle so it is not given to them. As grown up we are expected to be in better control. The ability to control, relish, savour and use words judiciously is not automatic, we must learn and exercise ourself in the process.

I have never ceased to be amazed at the changing effect of words. At the beginning of a relationship, girl tells boy that she loves him and he is catapulted into outer space, a few years down the line she says the exact same words and he wonders what she has done or what she wants. Same words, same person but different effect, different impact. Words are pure but affected by the impurities of the environment. The environment of the utterer and that of the receiver. We have a responsibility to purify ourselves, so that the words we utter and the words we receive can deliver on it’s mission.

Miscommunication, lost in translation are all rampant in words transmitting. The imperfection in the mode of communicating being the culprit, be it the transmitter or receiver. When either is corrupted or blocked, there will be loss. When we talk to someone who is day dreaming, distracted, engrossed in something else, deaf or whatever, the words are lost!

May we all use words wisely.

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.. we have reach ‘that point’ in the journey, there is no road map! It doesn’t show up in the A – Z, the satellite navigation is silent, dead silence! This is one of those rare moments when we wish the sat nat will say something, anything! Lead us somewhere, anywhere, take us round and round the same route, even into the pond, but just lead, guide please! Anything but this silence. Compass is not turning either, not sure where we are facing or backing, we can’t google, we don’t know where we are. We have no name, no bearing. There is no one to ask as there is no one around, no guide, no counsellor, just us , our heartbeat and the wild animals. Somehow the animals seem to know where they are and where they are going, they don’t have that bewildered look I have, yet not a single one is holding a map, looking at a sat nav screen or asking his neighbour for directions, they just seem to know!

We all reach that stage in our life, where there is no road map, no one has been on this road before. Even if some had been, they are not around to ask, we are breaking into new frontiers, there is no precedence, no manuals, no faqs answered, no examples, you can’t google it, you can’t call a friend, you can’t 50/50 to arrive at the answer, you can’t ask the elders, the sage, your mentor etc! They don’t know, they can’t help, they are not here! They haven’t been on this path before, it is unknown territory. You and you alone have to braze the trail.

Like the animals, you have to rely on a different method of knowing, you have to learn to read a different map, a map that is not available to the physical eye. You have to learn to listen to your guts, to quieten your inner man and ‘hear’ from above. A hearing that the physical ear can not pick. The navigation of the spirit. The inner voice that tells us to turn right or left.

The ultimate direction is not from any man but from above. “Speaks to us deep within”, we ask. Selah!

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… I miss Daddy, Mummy, My Sisters, all that are gone and some that are living, I miss the dead, I miss the living, I miss the one that I love but is not available (emotionally or physically), I miss things as they were but are no longer, I miss the passion at the beginning of a relationship, I miss the highs, I miss the dreams, the childlike excitement, I miss the freshness of newness, I miss the company, the people that were once already, I miss the koinonia, I miss the time of innocence, I miss the thriving times, I miss the jokes, the laughter, I miss the happiness in the air, the joy on the heart, I miss the good food, I miss the aroma, I miss falling in love, I miss romance, I miss sex, I miss orgasm.

I miss spiritual connection, I miss believing in God, I miss trusting, I miss the unquestionable confidence in bible and the fellowship of the brethren.

I miss food, I miss sweet, I miss sugar, sugar! Sugar! Everything with sugar in it. I miss my highs, those things that lift me up. I miss all that is gone and is not here. I miss the dreams that never came to pass. I miss not having a dream, I miss not feeling the excitement of having a dream. I miss the taste of life, I miss the taste of living.

My inability to connect with life as it is now is what is truly missing. All I need is in the now and here. What I truly miss in all those things above is here. It’s how I see the things, people, situation that exist now that is flawed, but now is good, truly good, now is exciting, here is brilliant. Love is present, joy is here and happiness is in the air. None of them are far, right inside us is a wealth of experience, of positivity and the pain of yesterday has been dealt with.

It’s all in the engagement and interactive with now. It’s in the mix, all the ingredients are here.

The same happiness and joy we experienced yesterday is here today. What we missed from yesterday is available today. It is just stored differently. It is saved in a different files. It is all about finding it today, not reminiscing for yesterday or longing for tomorrow.

All that we truly miss is here, now today, we just need to seek and find it.

… such an interesting word that requires a level of abandonment that few if any of us is attuned to. We are meddlers, we get involve, we analyse, we reason, we judge, we pick at, we stack up, we line up, we deny, we dispute, we grieve, we mourn, we get angry with, then we get mad at, trust me they are different (angry and get mad at), we rationalise, we run it over and over in our heads, we knead it to the point of inedible then we start the whole process all over again and we wonder why we can’t digest it, we fail to understand that we have over worked it. No wonder we are gray, full of wrinkles with sparse hair left. If only we can leave it alone, let it be and just be at peace, but oh no, that we will not do, we must navel gaze and on and on we go.

Acceptance is one of the hardest thing for a rational earnest being, we are brought up to analyse, to investigate, to have a view, to poke at, to solve the puzzle, crack the code, understand the situation, we can’t float because we can’t let be, we must be in control of every element of the process. We are perpertually tense as we are not prepared to accept the natural unfolding of situations, we must peep, we must have insight. Reckless abandonment is alien to us as we must follow each sperm to its final destination and we wonder why we never reach orgasm. We can not savour the delicacy as the chef must give us a detailed process of how the plate got to be in front of us, by the time he finishes the plate is cold, the moment has been lost and we wonder why we never have ‘a moment’, maybe we care too much, not accepting enough, too much study is a weariness of the soul. We never experience the bliss as we can not entertain the ignorance.

Acceptance requires leaving the unknown in the realm of the unknown. The need to figure it all out must be tamed and curbed. Accept, go with the flow, enjoy life, it is all good.

How can it all be good, when …..? Let it be for once, Accept! Sleep easy!

… unwanted, unrequested, unsolicited but yet it is here, prickling and piercing, like a restless child demanding attention, acknowledgement and focus. Asked to be relieved of it but was told that ‘His grace is sufficient’ I honestly do not understand what that means, I just want relief from the constant jabbing of the thorn.

Occasionally, the thorn is not a thorn, but a flower, the most beautiful flower that fills my nostrils with the sweetest of fragrance. Soft and tender is my thorn today, my heart is beating fast, pulse racing, ripples of sweet sensation floods my being. Today I love my thorn, my thorn is not a thorn but a sweet smelling flower. How long can I hold my flower before it turns back into a thorn?

I am prickled! my flower is gone and I am left with a thorn, “take it away!” I cry. “No!” the voice came to me “he that will hold and smell the flower must have the thorn for a while”

… ‘have you got a teaspoon?’ He asked, so they passed one on to him, while the others waited. He stirred his tea, pressed out the teabag and passed the teaspoon on, few seconds later, he asked for the teaspoon again, it was passed on to him with some queer looks, he passed it on, and a few seconds asked yet again for the teaspoon, this time he did not return the teaspoon, but left it in his mug, he then takes a sip of his tea, stir, takes another sip, stir and on and on, at this point without any consultation or conversation everyone concluded that he was not altogether with it. Moreover he deprived everyone else of getting their tea stirred as there was just one teaspoon on site!

On most sites or those cheap conferences, we don’t even get a teaspoon, all we get is those white flimsy stirrers, they never do a good job of pressing out the teabag, never strong enough for the job, some break in the process and you always feel slightly short changed, as you didn’t get the best out of the teabag. But all the same, the flimsy stirrer is better than nothing, nothing means getting your finger into the hot tea to stir and squeeze out the teabag, aside from the fact that it sounds and looks crude, it carries its own particular risk.

What is so special about the teaspoon? What magic does it bring? It does not add anything physical to the tea, it is not milk, sugar, sweetner, honey etc it is not even the mug, teapot, teacup that spend some quality time holding things together. The teaspoon’s job is very brief, few seconds at the most, stir the tea or coffee, press out the teabag, job done and lie low! Yet tea without the stirring, the drink lacks something, that special something , a certain je na sais quoi, as they say in french. Yet it must be brief, you just don’t leave the teaspoon in.

Some people in our lives are just like the teaspoon, their role is brief, they are to stir things up for, press out what needs pressing out and move on to the next person or just lie low. This is the magic they bring, but we miss it when we want them to tarry as in linger and sit in the tea, the magic dissappears, the presence becomes a nuisance and irritation for all. We have to all understand, it is a guest appearance, they are not here for the whole segment or series and that is why it is magical when they show up. Sometimes it is hard for all concerned, the tea, mug, tea drinker and even the teaspoon, the encounter is sweet, the clinking of the spoon against the side of the teacup, the swirling and twirling of the tea, the scooping of the froth etc, but all of these must be kept brief to capture and sustain the magic. Magicians understand that speed and quick exit is the name of the game, that is the only way to keep the illusion.

Some people are like teaspoon, only available for the brief encounter, so enjoy it while it last. Stir your tea, press out the bag, and allow the teaspoon to continue it’s journey.

Sit down, tilt, cross your legs, rest it on the foot stool, sip your tea slowly, enjoy, lift is easy, and don’t reach for that teaspoon again, don’t!

And if a time ever comes, when things come to the crutch, the nitty gritty, and we have to choose between the mug and the teaspoon, please never go for the teaspoon. The mug will serve lots of purposes. The teaspoon is of little use outside the mug.

… in the midst of my trials and tribulations, my face was truly troubled, my heart was afraid, my being was shaken, I lied straight with my face turned up, in a very brief moment of silence, I noticed a warmth around the back of one of my hands, it was a very gentle, warm reassuring caress, comforting indeed it was! My two hands were clasped between my legs, in my moment of pain I couldn’t help but wonder who knew what I was going through and could reach me. I was alone, that much I knew, so I was puzzled. I decided to look down and one hand was clasped into the other and the outer hand had one of it’s finger caressing the inner hand , with the rest of the fingers cupped like a supportive hammock. In that moment my heartbeat started to calm as I was soothed into a gentle doze.

Our support and comfort is much nearer that we know and understand.

… I can be a bit of a hoarder to my shame, I put my hands up and admit! I prefer if I am not and I am consciously trying not to be. Some of us just hold on to things a bit longer than we should. It would be tolerable if we just hold on to ‘things’ but we end up holding on in other aspect of our lives, we hold on too long to relationships, memories, businesses, ventures, ideas etc that are way pass there use by dates. We believe there is still life left when there is none. We do not consider the viability of whatever life there is left in relation to the investment required.

To keep the ‘car’ going we are investing more than it is worth. We are the maintenance expert without any consideration for effort employed.

I have a friend who is the opposite of me, incredibly brutal when it comes to clearing out. On those days when the mood catches her, she will have a number of decent size charity bags and in, it all goes, the new, the old, the not so new, the not so old, in they all go, if they are no longer serving or bringing joy to her life. I cringe whenever I witness her going through this process, they are not my stuff but I still feel the pain of letting go on her behalf, I tend to feel scrubbed and bruised after the process. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want any of the things but somehow her courage and strength to just clear out without batting an eyelid was alien to me. It is usually more than a clear out, it always feel more like an emptying out from were I stand. But the freshness and airiness that greets her wardrobe after the process is wholesome and restoring.

Few of us are brave enough to allow ourselves to enjoy the beauty and healing power of little or nothing, of disengaging and releasing ourselves from all those things that hold us bound, of setting our souls free to soar. And we wonder why we don’t go as far as we imagine we can, we fail to see the ‘weights’ that anchor us down to our current location. Those ‘things’ gives us our bearing, we know our location and this gives us comfort, comfort of the familiar but not progress, progress is contained in the unknown. Soaring requires lightness that only comes from emptying out and we wonder why we don’t make progress when we hold on to every single thing for dear life.

Sometimes nature gives a helping hand in this process that we obviously are not prepared or able to engage in. Nature strips, empties out, cuts out our ties to anchors and shout out ‘soar’! Nature can be brutal and unforgiving in this process, with the scariest of shears and determination it goes about its setting loose job, snip, snip snip it goes, one after the other without a break or allowing us to catch our breath, we feel the uncomfortable and unfamiliar lightness under our being, the impact of emptying and emptiness hits us, we see no beauty in what is happening and rather than soaring we lament, we wail, we yell, we panic, we frantically stoop back down to grab the loosen ties, we search for our anchors, we want to be rooted back down and grounded and we try and try, sobbing and anxious.

Nature comes back to us and gently eases our hands from off the broken ties and gets us off the ground, reassuring us that it is time to soar, we will be just fine. Timorously we commence the soaring journey with the beauty of nothingness following our emptying out. Now we see that which we never knew existed and it all begins to make sense.

Fight not the emptying out, soar!

…we can only take so much of it, before we say ‘enough’! I am not taking any more, each person has to be responsible for their own life. Yes, we have to carry each other’s burden, but there is a limit to this statement as well. How much of another person’s burden can we truly carry? when even the burden owner is struggling. We have our own burden as well to bear. And God helps that person that manages to forge forward somewhat, he or she is assumed to be responsible for taking care of all others. And God helps again if he or she can not deliver on that expectations. When we are of a certain disposition it is easy to feel guilty for this or that and everything in between. We are responsible for people that make wrong choices and can not get their lives together, we are held guilty for not giving any helping hand or not giving enough helping hand. We are then confused and drained from these perpetual guilt, needs and expectations that surrounds us. We no longer do anything out of willingness or “as a man purposes in his heart” but out of guilt. No love in our giving but a need to get some relief from the perpetual non ending onslaught of attack. We go around guilty, with the weight of the whole world on our shoulders.

This is not a way to live, we are not responsible for all the mis-steps and mistakes that other people make, no matter who they are and how close they are to us. We did not make their choices for them. Be them families or friends. I do not believe we are created to be responsible for people in that way. We should help people, I believe, giving a lending hand to a brother in need, but no we are not guilty, we are not responsible, no one is responsible for our own misdemeanour as well. We must not project or assume such guilt.

Life is littered with all the poor or wrong choices we and others have made, it can be heart wrenching to behold the consequences of such wrong choices. We might even sympathise with the circumstances that led to those choices, but we are not responsible and need not feel guilty.

Too much guilt render us helpless and ineffective. It weakens us. No we must stand our ground, be strong, reach out as we are led to but no we are not responsible and must not feel guilty. Let each man bears his own burden and let each as a ‘whole being’ reach out in love not in guilt.