Having just been to Disneyland in California and experienced some of the rides. Yes, the rides! The high impact roller coaster, Incredicoaster, Soaring etc. My little one was excited, her eyes glowing while my tummy was churning, I was almost throwing up, my eyes were closed shut through out all the rides, quickly saying my last prayers, asking forgiveness for all sins including ones I am yet to commit and unlikely to commit.

What can I expect anyway? I entered the place with a lot of trepidation, telling everyone that cared to listen, how much I no longer care for those rides. I was not looking forward to the experience of the high impact rides, dreading every second of it. Yet there were people all around me, so excited, they have annual tickets, they come often, they enjoy the thrill. They loose themselves to the force, the moment and they live through it all, with their eyes wide open. For me, it was just too much to take in, I felt like I would die, yet I did not die! My excuse was that I use to enjoy it all when I was younger but now I am older, it is no longer my kind of thing. But I noticed that there were people older than me, still having a blast, still enjoying themselves and I was there all wrapped up in my ‘I am too old for all these stuff’ nonsense. I declined to go on some of the rides.

I couldn’t help wondering, what if I just release myself to enjoy the moment, what about if I stop being tense, and lose the fear, anxiety, trepidation? What about if I just embrace the moment, go with the flow, keep my eyes open? What would happen? Would I die? Do I really think I would die? No! If I truly believed I would die I wouldn’t get on the rides. So exactly what is the deal? What is my problem? I am afraid of what I don’t know, what I can’t control, what I will feel, what is too fast, too tense, too ‘whatever’ etc. But why am I really afraid? That it would be rough, unpleasant, bumpy or too sudden for my system, and so what? Again exactly, ‘what is my problem?’ That is it! It is all in the mind! The fear is perched right in the middle of the brain, sitting comfortablely and exacting all kinds of power and influence, restricting and constricting our lives and experiences and we allow it, we condone it, we embrace the stifled life.

I paid so much to go to Disney and all I can do is close my eyes and dread the whole experience. That doesn’t even make sense. We atimes are guilty of the same. It is costly to be here and stay alive, yet if we are not careful, we live through life with our eyes closed, squandering our existence. Someone asked, ‘What is the cost of being alive?’ Where do we even start? A conversation with our parents might be a good starting point. Being alive is costly for the earth we dwell on. Some people paid for us to be here and we are paying for continuing to be around, we might as well get our money’s worth of this experience called ‘life’. It makes no sense for us to short change ourself. We settle for the easy teacup rides, the very gently go round in the same spot. We come off it unchanged, unruffled, unshaken and we are happy with our underwhelming, uneventful steady approach to life.

William James admonishes us, there is only one way to live life, flamboyantly, no exception. Embracing the unknown, seeking out adventure, obstacles and challenges, for therein lies our growth. This is how we navigate life. Nancy Reagan said “ there is a big, wonderful world out there for you. It belongs to you. It’s exciting and stimulating and rewarding. Don’t cheat yourselves out of this promise. Don’t be like me in Disneyland, don’t decline life. Don’t fear the unknown. Live life to the fullest.

Some doors are better left shut for our very own sanity and some peep holes are better not installed. And if installed, better covered up. Who can resist the temptation to peep? But yet who forgets the peep? What we have seen is difficult if not impossible to unsee. What we have tasted has been tasted. Memory has been created and stored. How do we erase the memory?

Some questions must never be asked, some jokes must never be cracked. As they open a whole can of worm that we don’t always know how to deal with. Restraint is the order of the day in some situation. A free thinker must still put some stops in place, the mind can go ballistic. There must be boundaries for our survival, the survival of all races, species, relationships, everything, otherwise we will dance to extinction.

So in my careless absent minded distracted moment, I peeped!!! And boy! Oh boy!!! How I wished I did not peep, how I wished I did not ask the question, how I wished I did not crack the joke. Now ladies and gentlemen, the peep was not even a physical peep, it was all in my mind. I allowed my mind to think the ‘unthinkable’ and now I am jonesed, I can’t stop the torrent of thoughts flooding my mind from the first peep.

But could I really have stopped the first peep? Was the thought all just waiting to be unearth? Was it inevitable? Was I always going to peep because I was meant to, irrespective of the amount of warnings and known repercussions? The ‘peeper’ is a rare breed that will see things he alone must see and then must face the difficult task of making sense of what he has seen. Curiosity indeed kills the cat! But must the cat die? Can we preserve the life of the cat?

Back on the market for the first time in thirty years, fresh as daisy, time has been kind to her, she remains fresh and untouched, unspoilt by the ravaging hands of time, preserved as a capsule buried deep in the depth of the earth, a fossil breathing, waiting, ticking and begging to be unearth in it’s glorious fullness. The bidding was intense, furious and determined, each bidder hungry and single minded, panting like a blood hound, they could discern her scent from miles. Such purity is rare, the nature of her baffles, confound and defy description. Her innocence us divine, her beauty radiates, her softness and gentleness contradicts the hardness and harshness of life. What a rare find! The room stood still, dead silence, you could hear a pin drop. The tension in the room was thick, the silencing was deafening. Where has she been all these years? They wondered. She had been amongst they all along but they could not perceive or discern her uniqueness.

As she is unveiled, revealed and presented back to the market, they all wanted a piece of her, not for noble reasons, not to treasure her, but to dim the luminance, to possess, control and do what humans do, to corrupt and spoil, to dominate. It’s a power hunger, the need to overcome, be the last one standing. The plight of man, the disease that has inflicted the human race from the beginning of time, the urge and desire to pollute beauty and purity. The destructive nature of man must ravage and dominate. Like a roaming and roaring lion it hunts, prowl, consume and destroys.

Who can save and protect her? They all come disguised, wearing the cloak of a protector, saviour, lover, friend, provider, guide, sister, brother , companion, family etc but who is true, genuine, kosher and called to her? Is there any? Yes there are, but she must be discerning and careful. She is rare and not for all.

Unsold, stay pure, stay true, stay linked and connected to the source of all beauty!

Some have honed the skills of the Goodbye to a T, others make a total monkey of the process. There is hardly a manual on what you are suppose to do, everyone does what seems right, hoping and praying that it works. It’s been said that the English are notoriously clumsy at the goodbye ritual, people not knowing whether to shake hands, hug or kiss. Is it one cheek, two cheeks or no cheek kiss? Do you just blow the kiss with no physical contact? Is it a full frontal hug, side hug or just upper chest hug? Do you say the goodbye and leave swiftly or do you say the first goodbye, start a new conversation before the second, third and final goodbye? Do you drag out your goodbye or make it nice and short? You obviously do not want to hurt anyone’s feeling. What happens most times is that we end up with aborted handshakes, hugs and kisses. Kiss meant for the cheek end up on unintended parts of the face, nose, lip wherever.

I use to live in a part of the world where they had a drawn out goodbye ritual. God help your soul if you do an abrupt disappearance. It usually start with one of the party announcing the intention to leave, this is then followed by some incomprehensible muttering, then some prayers, then the first good bye, followed by some questions and answers, more prayers, followed by some half squatting more prayers and then slow unwinding of the whole process as things tail off to an actual departure.

Ending a telephone call is another trickly one for some people. Some are smooth at it others bother on being rude while some hug the call too long not knowing how to end it. I use to have a fiesty friend, she would call and launch into ‘one’ like a tornado. When I starting warming up, gathering my thoughts in my usual slow manner, I will just hear ‘goodbye’ before I could even respond, she is gone all I would here is the loud bang of the phone as the call is cut off. I know her, I know she meant no harm, but there are times, I have felt ‘how rude?’

The more recent situation people find themselves in are WhatsApp groups, some have truly passed their ‘use by’ dates, others we simply just don’t belong. They are a waste of our precious time and most of the postings are irrelevant but leaving becomes a sensitive matter as we do not want to offend. People go quiet and refuse to participate, they mute the group, archive it, do everything to leave except actually leave. I have always wonder, why not just leave? Who are we fooling?

In life some things are over, but how do you leave? How do you say goodbye? What is the right way? Some friendship have done their time and it is time to slow it down, it is not serving anyone but in an attempt not to hurt we drag it on as it collects all manner of unpleasantness along the way. Romantic relationships can be the same, people abandon, become nasty just because they don’t know how or when to say goodbye. Business, religious groups, family, work etc are not exonerated, the same plight applies.

The question then is ‘what do we do?’ the simple answer is that goodbyes can be difficult, painful or messy. Other times it can be sweet and pleasant. Whatever the case maybe we must just accept that it is the nature of the beast. Enjoy the beautiful peaceful endings, tolerate the embarrassment of the clumsiness ones, grieve the loss where applicable and move on in peace.

Live and let live, life is for living, let no man trouble you!

I came into this world buried deep under layers and layers of thrash, rubbish beliefs, archaic and quaint cultural values, burdensome expectations, warped understanding, misinformation, nonsensical religious beliefs, unimaginable family expectations, untenable gender roles, racial biases and the likes. Added to this hormonal imbalance and inferior hereditary genes. Weighed down I throttle around wondering what was wrong with me. Everything was wrong, every thing was! Clueless and unaware I lived in survival mode, oblivious to the shackle around my legs, the noose on my neck and the burden on my back. I tried to stand strong and erect but it was impossible. Crooked and misaligned I muddled through life with no insight into my light and my purpose. All my lights were switched off and I lived in darkness when I am light. Flattened to the ground I was with all my burden, unable to see beyond my nose, incomprehensible was the prison I was born into.

I saw a tiny glimpse of light and commence the arduous task of unburdening myself, freeing myself as no one is coming to free me. The task of freedom lies with me and me alone. Yes some might offer a tool here and there but the task of chiselling off the dross is mine to carry out. How much work I have to carry out and how little time I have left to do that which needs to be done. How ingrained and stuck are the oppressive beliefs that have stuck to my core like sesame twins. With diligence and focus my steady hand went to work, my mind stayed the course, the ink in my pen did not dry up, the oil in my lamp did not run out. Each new day brought new relief and awareness. Each new day the burden was lessen, the soul became freer and the light began to emerge. As I found my balance and strength I was able to offer a helping hand and support to others that are born buried.

I can breathe!

Story was once told of a particular woman who was getting on in age and her eye sight was giving ever so slightly. She was on her way home and had a list in her bag of what her front door looks like, her memory was failing as well but she can still remember the town she lives in, the road name and the colour of her front door, it was blue. She gets to the road and every blue door looks like home. Either she has forgotten she had a list or too tired to fish it out of her bag, she gravitates towards the door that feels most like home, gets her key out and the key wouldn’t even fit into the lock, other times the key will go in, but try as hard as she will, it wouldn’t turn. There are times she stood outside a door screaming and kicking, hoping for the door to open, other times she begged and begged for the home owner to let her, at the last one she just stood there, crying her heart out, but it just was not home.

Once she was so tired and spent hours in front of a particular door, prepared to settle in the porch, she reasoned she might never get home. She was exhausted from the tediousness of the journey and the weight of her baggage. In her search for home, she had been rained on, snowed upon, sunburnt, the elements got the better of her. She was drained, worse for wear. The woman had a list that described every fine details of her door, every knot, every grain, every whorl on the wooden door, every shade, reflection and inflection, yet from time to time, she was so blinded and ended up at the wrong door. Today, she found the strength to rummage to the very bottom of her bag, fished out her list and held on to it tightly, as she approached each blue door, she was able to say ‘No’, ‘No’, ‘No’! she checked off against her list, she would ran her hand all over the door before trying with the key, quickly she moved away from all wrong doors.

With heavy legs and weary heart she approached a door today, before getting to the door there was a leap in her soul, she touched it and ran her hand over the door, she could feel every familiar knot, grain and imperfections and effortlessly her key went into the lock and turned smoothly. What hard journey it was getting to home! The door flung open, she was welcomed in, her home embraced her with the warmest of hug, she sank into it, took a deep breath allowing herself to be intoxicated by sweetest aroma of her home. What joy, what peace, what harmony and contentment to be home! Home is definitely where the heart is!

To everyone seeking home, be it relational home, financial home, spiritual home, business home, professional home, health home, fitness home, knowledge home, friendship home etc whatever aspect you seek peace and fulfilment, with everything in me today I want to encourage you to hold on and believe in the dream, in the fullness of time, he that will come will came and not tarry.

Stay strong, hold tight to the vision, Your blue door is just round the corner.

So here was I thoroughly enjoying my drive. I was in a real good place, nobody has upset me neither have I upset anyone. I hadn’t crashed into anything or anyone neither was anyone crashing into me. There was no little one in the car insisting that I play some boom bang radio station. It was just me and my Amapiano music blasting away. Everything was well in the the world, I was attentive to the road, hadn’t jumped any red light neither stopped in a yellow box. Just been to wash my car and had one of those cheap air freshner hanging in front of me, filling my nostril with not too unpleasant fragrance. I couldn’t ask for a better day, until from nowhere a police car appeared with three (I thought they were only suppose to be two in the car) hefty and scary looking officers. Initially I paid no attention until I realised they were waving me to stop. I stopped and in the split second before they got to me, I did a quick scan of myself and every thing I had done in the last couple of hours, days, months, year’s etc. As far as I know I was Kosher. One of the officer walked over, I wind down my window, careful to keep my hands within visibility, we don’t want any accidents or mistakes. “Yes Officer?” I said with that questioning tone. He said, “do you know you have a low pressure on your back passenger wheel?” No I replied, came out of the car, went to check and yes the tyre was low. I said my thank you and I assured him, I would get it attended to right away at the next filling station. He advised that I must drive slowly. He left and I thought, how oblivious I was, I did not know the tyre was low.

My friend just got herself one of those fanciful all singing all dancing car. She took me on a spin in the car the other day. Before the drive she was showing me all the workings of the car, the features, all the things it can do. She showed me that she does not have to wonder about the pressure of the wheels or go out of the car to check the pressure, all she has to do was press a button and it displays the pressure. With that car, it is unlikely she will have the police on her tail for low tyre pressure, maybe for speeding, this new shiny babe can fly.

I went to a conference sometime ago on Self-confidence and the main speaker who gave a powerful speech was recounting his journey to having a high Self esteem. He told us how he was a middle child, born into a family where typically the middle child was never paid much attention, growing up he was reserved and shy, he just minded his business with head buried into his books most of the time. No one reflected or told him who he was so he went around with no awareness or consciousness of himself. He left school, went into the working world, started his own business and become more aware of himself, he put some effort into his own self development and self esteem. He got to a stage that he was happy with the work he had done with himself and just carried on living his life. He was interested in bidding for a contract and put together a strong tender document, he had to attend a panel interview and as far as he was concerned he interviewed extremely well. Surprisingly he didn’t win the contract, not one to miss an opportunity for feedback, he contacted one of the panel member and he was told that he prepared the best tender document but in the interview he came across as having a low self-esteem. He was shocked to his bones, said his thank you and promised to work on that and that was exactly what he did. He stopped, took stock of all he is, was, been and all he can be. He got mentors, bought books, attended courses, carried out psychometric tests, got confidence coach. He carried out a full valuation of himself as a human being and from that day he never sold himself short. Some called it arrogance, he carried it having a healthy, aware and appropriate self esteemed.

Like my friend with the all singing all dancing car, each evening before sleeping he presses the button in his life (by doing an analysis of his day), has there been any loss of pressure in any aspect of his life? Did he show up less than he should in any of his outings? Was he present? But most importantly, did he remember who he is and the value he brings to the table. There was no need for any police in life to point out the low pressure. He carries out the check regularly and pump up accordingly.

Let no man think of himself more highly than he ought, in the same vein, let no man think of himself more lowly than he ought to, with low pressure (low self esteem) we must slow down, we can not go at the speed we are destined to.

Have you checked your pressure?

“No retreat, no surrender! That is Spartan Law and by Spartan Law we will stand, fight and die”. King Leonidas, at the battle of Thermopylae.

I saw two people talking the other day, one of them a slothful man, the other a fighter. The sloth said “what is the point of all these stand, fight and then die, when we are all going to die anyway, why don’t we just lie quietly here, rot and die peacefully?” The fight replied “you are right, death is given and we are all going to die but living is a choice, living the exponential extraordinary life is an even bigger choice”. The sloth gave a curt response, “but you are still going to die” and fighter rebutted, “but by fighting I might just live before I die”.

We can be alive and we can be living. I believe they are two different things. Surviving and passing from one day to another is one way to be. Living an extraordinary life, by choice, if I may add is another way to be. Stretching, extending, remaining curious, pushing the limits, being purposeful, adventurous and determined comes with huge benefits. It brings it’s challenges as well but it also lit and bring zest to a life that can be otherwise drab. When we operate in flow, we are clear about our goals and purpose and attack it with the force of nature out life becomes more meaningful and tastier. There is nothing wrong in consuming tasteless bland food but there is a lot right in eating well seasoned tasty food. The choice is always ours. How do we truly want to live this life, by Spartan Law or by Slothful Law?

Choose wisely!

An angel of God showed me the other day a scene at the climbing wall. A main in his 60s tentatively climbing wall after wall, a young girl of about 11 years old scaling up the wall speedily like a Gecko and a number of bystanders made up of a mixed bag of people observing. The bystanders were debating as to whether the 60 year old should still be climbing or not. I was taken to another scene in the climbing wall arena and I saw a wealthy man strapped up climbing and next to him was a man who looked liked he had had some rough time in life, you could tell from his clothing and the not too subtle whiff coming from him, he was climbing as well. I saw another lady who purely from observation appear to be someone that must have had an above average liking for food. The last person I saw was splitting image of David Beckham, if I was a swearing person, I would swear it was him, but hard to tell, he had his trade mark smile. All of them were climbing away, grabbing at one obstacle after another to get to the top of the wall. Once they get to the top of the wall, they all came down so quickly and started another ardours climb after another. Nobody stayed at the top of a wall for more than a few seconds, it was down again. After all the climbing, they left and went home.

I met a friend the other day, he is extremely accomplished and had head a number of major businesses. Been the MD and CEO of some household name companies. He is so full of wisdom and experience. Anytime we meet up, time spent with him is a treat, I sponge out of him as much as I can in the very brief moment we have together. Today we met up and he apologised that he couldn’t spend a lot of time with me as he had a very important meeting with his mentor. I was slightly taken aback, somehow I had put him on a kind of pedestal as this all-knowing individual. But I caught myself and I regrouped. I had a vision of his mentor, a sage elderly man with white beards, wisdom and experience oozing out of every pores. So causally I asked, even though I felt I already had an idea, ‘and who is your mentor?’. He said ‘this particular mentor, I will be spending a few days with him, he is extremely knowledgeable and proficient in this and that. He does not have an office yet, I will be meeting in his garage and he will take me through stuff’. I got more curious, the description was not tallying with my image. So I asked ‘and who is he? Is it anyone I would know by any chance? He said ‘No’ he is a young man in his late twenties who happens to be very good at what he does.

A friend of mine, told me the other day she has regularly meetings with some young people. So I asked what area was she training or mentoring them on. She told me that ‘No’ she goes to meet up with them to be inspired by their rawness, eagerness, hunger and zest for life. She told me that unless we are learning afresh, being renewed, climbing new walls after new walls, tackling one obstacle after another and bringing ourselves down to start a new climb, we will become stiff and deteriorate. She told me that she meets people who proudly displays their ‘T-shirt telling her all they have done and where they have been and they definitely have the ‘T’ shirt to show for it and there was no doubt they had accomplished a lot, it was written all over the T shirt but the shirt was old and dated. And the question was ‘why don’t you get a new current ‘T’ shirt? And the reply was that ‘there will be nothing written on it!’ of course there will be nothing written on it, that is the issue, but an issue that can easily be resolved, accomplished more, break new grounds, climb new walls, slay new dragons! Then we will have new T shirt with new writings.

No one among us is too big, too old, too wealthy, so accomplished to climb another wall. The moment we decide we are too much for the climbing arena, then it is time to go home. It is not a spectator sport. In the mouth of babes and suckling, he ordained praise. Let’s all emulate the learning and regenerating spirit of youth. We can do this, we’ve got it!

I stood underneath the tree, I was so hungry, I needed to eat, I was famished not just needing a snack, but genuinely requiring nourishment, the hunger was so much that I started shaking and shivering. In my state I grabbed the tree with my two hands, shook it vigorously demanding that it rain down some nourishment on me. I did these for hours, not a single fruit fell down. Rather a few branches and leaves from the tree came down on me. I walked away from the tree, I did not go far and I came back, stood a fair distance and eyed the tree, giving it all kinds of ugly stares and stern looks for hours but nothing happened again.

That was when I moved closer, I was now angry, hungry and angry I started punching and kicking the tree vigorously, in the process hurting my knuckles and feet. I rained all kind of abuse and insult on the tree, not mincing my words, I told it how ugly and disgusting it was with it’s wrinkly brown skin and placid mild manner stance. I told the tree how self-centred, selfish, uncaring and aloof it was. Like Jeremy Clarkson and Meghan, I told the tree how I hated it at the cellular level and wished all kind of evil upon it. I was livid and mad, I had needs that the tree has not met and I could not understand the existence of the tree, as far as I was concerned the tree was just cumberring the land in its docile, unflinching, unhelpful and disengaging state. I wished annihilation on the tree, total death on it. I knew there was no logic or rational to me behaviour, I am not sure if I knew but I felt justified in my self righteous indignation. I was seeing red, I was mad and wanted justice for all my unmet needs and self inflicted wounds. Done with all my venom and anger I slumped like a sack of sand at the base of the tree exhausted from the truma of my behaviour.

I slept off and an angel of God appeared to me asking what ailed me. I explained my situation. The angel admonished me to put my hands to work, for he that does not work will not eat. He told me that it was not the season for the fruit bearing tree, in it’s season it will bear it’s fruits. He gently led me from the base of the tree to a place of peace and calm, I found my calling, worked with my hands, clarified my vocation and nourished my soul.

After a long time, I was in town and I passed by the tree, it was in season and all the branches were drooping with rich jucy fruits, the ground was littered as well. There was abundance. I was in a good place, I was not famished or in need. I plucked just one fruit, shared fellowship, ate and continued my journey.

To all trees out there, fear not the terror by night or the arrow that flies by day time. To all tree shakers, don’t shake the tree before it’s time, for you will hurt the tree or kill it but more importantly you will poison yourself for the fruits are unripe and unsuitable for consumption. In His time, He makes all things beautiful.