Some have honed the skills of the Goodbye to a T, others make a total monkey of the process. There is hardly a manual on what you are suppose to do, everyone does what seems right, hoping and praying that it works. It’s been said that the English are notoriously clumsy at the goodbye ritual, people not knowing whether to shake hands, hug or kiss. Is it one cheek, two cheeks or no cheek kiss? Do you just blow the kiss with no physical contact? Is it a full frontal hug, side hug or just upper chest hug? Do you say the goodbye and leave swiftly or do you say the first goodbye, start a new conversation before the second, third and final goodbye? Do you drag out your goodbye or make it nice and short? You obviously do not want to hurt anyone’s feeling. What happens most times is that we end up with aborted handshakes, hugs and kisses. Kiss meant for the cheek end up on unintended parts of the face, nose, lip wherever.
I use to live in a part of the world where they had a drawn out goodbye ritual. God help your soul if you do an abrupt disappearance. It usually start with one of the party announcing the intention to leave, this is then followed by some incomprehensible muttering, then some prayers, then the first good bye, followed by some questions and answers, more prayers, followed by some half squatting more prayers and then slow unwinding of the whole process as things tail off to an actual departure.
Ending a telephone call is another trickly one for some people. Some are smooth at it others bother on being rude while some hug the call too long not knowing how to end it. I use to have a fiesty friend, she would call and launch into ‘one’ like a tornado. When I starting warming up, gathering my thoughts in my usual slow manner, I will just hear ‘goodbye’ before I could even respond, she is gone all I would here is the loud bang of the phone as the call is cut off. I know her, I know she meant no harm, but there are times, I have felt ‘how rude?’
The more recent situation people find themselves in are WhatsApp groups, some have truly passed their ‘use by’ dates, others we simply just don’t belong. They are a waste of our precious time and most of the postings are irrelevant but leaving becomes a sensitive matter as we do not want to offend. People go quiet and refuse to participate, they mute the group, archive it, do everything to leave except actually leave. I have always wonder, why not just leave? Who are we fooling?
In life some things are over, but how do you leave? How do you say goodbye? What is the right way? Some friendship have done their time and it is time to slow it down, it is not serving anyone but in an attempt not to hurt we drag it on as it collects all manner of unpleasantness along the way. Romantic relationships can be the same, people abandon, become nasty just because they don’t know how or when to say goodbye. Business, religious groups, family, work etc are not exonerated, the same plight applies.
The question then is ‘what do we do?’ the simple answer is that goodbyes can be difficult, painful or messy. Other times it can be sweet and pleasant. Whatever the case maybe we must just accept that it is the nature of the beast. Enjoy the beautiful peaceful endings, tolerate the embarrassment of the clumsiness ones, grieve the loss where applicable and move on in peace.
Live and let live, life is for living, let no man trouble you!
Beautiful Ivory 