In his life changing book, A Complaint Free World, Will Bowen shares a true story of how a hit and run truck driver hit and killed his daughter’s dog right in front of their house. The dog didn’t die immediately but died shortly after. Few pain can rival the pain we feel when someone hurts our child and in this case by injuring the family pet. Will Bowen was enraged and rightfully so, he jumped into his car in that enraged state and chased after the driver. He caught up with the culprit who was unapologetic and indignant. He was minded to enter into a physical fight and hit the man so hard he feels the pain he was experiencing. Thank God, good sense prevailed, he turned away drove back home. All the while the fatally injured dog was lying in front of the house while he tries to satisfy the understandable urge for revenge. On reflection, his reaction was dangerous, he was at risk of being involved in a car accident or of hitting the man and get taken in for assault. Whichever way you look at it, the damage had already been done and the most beneficial actions were to console his daughter, take the dog to the vet, stay with his family and grieve together.
We have all been there, someone wronged us deeply and treated us unjustly, every fibre of our being is crying out for revenge, our blood is boiling and we see red. All that executional style revenge fire has an immediate primal demand for fulfilment but a longer term detrimental effect. Rather than attend to the dog, do the best we can with a terrible situation, we launch an attack, we are cursing, spitting fire and tornadoes whilst doing our heart and blood pressure no good. I have been there, I am actually in the midst of one and I am saying to myself, ‘Elizabeth, bury the dog’ but it is hard, fury is not a rational emotion. Somehow we must find the strength to love ourselves and our own well-being more than the emotional hijacking that is taking place. I know this is really hard and I do not write as an expert that has perfected the art of self control but as a mere mortal in the school of life who occasionally flunk some life exams woefully, but just like riding a horse, every time we fall, we are well advised to get back on the horse.
No one wants the beloved pet to die, but we are where we are. Burial is costly and we do not necessarily have a budget or savings for this, be it emotional or physical savings, but we can do this, we can bury that dog and give it a befitting send-forth after which we soothe our bruised heart and grieve the loss. It is more harmful to our wellbeing, allowing the dog to fester, rot and develop magotts while we wallow in denial and pursue revenge. Life will happen, we will be hurt, offences will come, it is an inevitable part of living. The hit and run drivers of our lives have more pain to deal with than we can imagine, they have to live with themselves. Only hurting people hurt others.
Some pain, sickness, confusion and agitation we experience will only be alleviated when we bury the dog. We have to find a way to accept the painful and untimely death, to accept that the unforeseen has happened, injustice has been done, the attack has taken place, the lover is a liar, the helper is a grabber, the friendship is toxic, the journey has come to an abrupt end, the chef can not cook, the structure can not hold it, the medication is not working, the business is a fraud etc we then let the curtain down, we pull down the shutters, we lock the gates, we close shop, we stand up from the table, we cut our losses, we dig the ground, we bury the dog and then we immediately start the process of healing. The unexpected has happened and we can and will recover from this.
Pay the price for closure, bury the dog!
Beautiful Ivory 