Unsure Mum

So here was me, making my gallant descent from the tumultuous birth canal, all stressed out and covered in all manner of ‘God knows what’. It has truly been a journey, why coming alive has to be this arduous was beyond me. All I know was that I was intensely hungry. I wanted to suck at my mother’s chest like there was no tomorrow. I badly wanted food. I wanted affection, to be smothered with kisses and hugs, I wanted my mum to see me and breakdown with uncontrollable delight, I wanted her to be overwhelmed with emotion as she gushes to all family and visitors how amazing I am. I wanted to feel a level of intimacy where I couldn’t tell where I ended and she started. I wanted selfishly for her to lay awake not being able to remove her gaze from me while I peacefully sleep off. I wanted her to scoop me in her arms and whisper sweet incoherent nonsense to me. I wanted her to lull me to sleep as she sings lullaby to me in her off key voice. I wanted to be touched, not just physically but emotionally.

My mum took one look at me and she seemed unsure. She did not utter a word neither did she outrightly reject me, but the look on her face was not what I was expecting, I couldn’t tell if I came out through the ‘wrong’ door or I wasn’t properly dressed. Well I wasn’t exactly dressed but that was due to no fault of mine and maybe there is the little issue of the fact that I was covered in all kind of stuff, I thought it was the job of other people including my mum to clean me up. You can’t exactly blame me, it’s not as if I was capable of sorting myself out. Ok there was also the other little issue of me making such a raucous noise as I forcefully emerged. There was no way I could have done that part of the entrance with style and class, moreover I am a bit of an entitled being, I did not care much for all the drama of ‘coming out’ I wanted food, peace, quiet, love, attention, affection and intimacy but it looks like I wasn’t getting any of those, all I got was this cool unsure look. I was confused, frustrated, agitated and disturbed. We now have two unsure people, I was lying there all naked, exposed and vulnerable wondering if there was a way I could manoeuvre myself back up the birth canal, concealed from all unsure, undecided gazes.

Touch is vital to human survival. New born babies without touch do not thrive, they lose weight, shrivel up and sometimes die. Touch is not just physical but in every ramification of our being. Humans do not do well without touch. Relationships struggle when the people involve do not connect and there souls are not touched. When one or more party is unsure, detached, disconnected, it is simply a matter of time before the fragilely stacked components of the relationship start to disintegrate and dissipate. Neglect, indifference, distance, abandonment or simply being unsure is slow death to any endeavour. In the same way that a mum can not be unsure towards her new born baby and expect him to thrive, we can not approach important relationship with such uncertainty and expect to reap anything of value.