Outgrown

I am sure I have said it before, but for the benefit of those that were not in the room when I started, I am not good at getting rid of things, I am learning, but boy, do I struggle! I always believe there is another use, more use, more life in the old tank, I reminiscence, I get nostalgia, I hold on to the ill crafted dream, I always like to keep the troop together when it is clear to all except myself that some have outgrown the rank. I own up, I am emotional, sentimental and empathetic, I do not particularly enjoy that point of letting go. I feel the non existence pain that I have convinced myself inanimate object feel, but most importantly and more relevant, I feel the pain that people feel as a result of seperation borne out of growth, their growth or our growth.

Any one that will do exploit must grow, there is no mystery about this fact, the route to excellence is via growth. To maximise potential we must grow. I dare say to be happy and fulfilled we must continually grow. It has been said, that once we stop growing, we start dying. Things are rarely static. You are either progressing or regressing, there is no stationary point.

Growth is so evident in children, we can’t but wonder how fast it happens. One minute they are the little being we carry around, kissing to sleep, next we know, right before our eyes there is a little Madam or Mister standing up to us and questioning our delicately stacked illusionary authority. One minute they have their favourite programme, Peppa pig, Ben and Holly, Mickey Mouse etc next minute they think all those shows are so childish. They love a certain flavour of crisp and can’t get enough of them, so you stock up the pantry to save repeated trips to the store, they had two and no longer like Monster Munch Salt and Vinegar! What are you meant to do with the 500 packs sitting in the garage? As far as they are concerned that is your problem to deal with, they have moved on. Don’t start me on clothes, 2 weeks holiday and nothing fits. God forbid you experience lockdown with nowhere to go, all the beautiful expensive shoes, clothes, uniform you bought, not a single one fits, they have outgrown them! You try to squeeze, squash them into it, it is no use, it is over. So painful, money wasted and that is the story of growth, it seem to create waste and pain. It seem to be irreverent and callous in its journey, leaving things behind, paying no heed to the sentiment that once binds, single minded in its journey to progress. As parent we struggle to catch our breath in the fast pace life of our children, sometimes we wish we could slow things down and luxuriate a bit more in certain state, but no, things move on.

Of course we want to slow them down because we are slowing down whether by default or choice is unclear. It seems the halt of vertical growth on our part is an unkind or misinterpreted cue to us to accept the status quo. Research and experts have shown us that there is always room for growth until we kick that bucket. We see that in the horizontal shift that happens to some of us. But more importantly the scope for internal growth is limitless. How do we harness this growth? how do we tap into it? We must be prepared like children to let go of some things, some people, some relationship, some habits, some communities, some places, some programmes, some snacks, some thoughts, some beliefs etc, we must continuously change, shed and renew. There must be shifts, paradigm shifts. At the point of changing gear, there will be friction, conflict, discomfort, pain, distress, unease, we will be lumbered with ‘500 packs of Monster Munch’ that we have no choice but to bag up and throw away with gritted teeth. It is going to hurt!

For me the greatest pain is people, relationships, people outgrow us or the mode of relating and we are not ready, we still want to do the same things we use to do, but they say ‘no I have to move on’ and we don’t understand, what have we done wrong?’ Why will they just dump us like that? They use us, they are arrogant, they think they are better! We feel betrayed, we feel the friendship, the relationship has been betrayed, we feel they were fake all along, we feel awful and rejected! But are they? Are they users? Are they arrogant? Are they too goody shoes? Or have they just grown or rather have we just outgrown the relationship? Yes there is pain, on both side I will guess, but not enough reason to halt progress. It is a very tricky manoeuvre to make, we don’t want to trample over people, disrespect people and relationships, position ourselves as being better or superior, that is not necessary, but yet we owe it to ourselves to grow, some people do not feel this urge, others do not feel it to the same extent we are feeling it and some are growing but in a different direction.

The gist of the matter is we outgrow people, we outgrow relationships, people outgrow us and whilst it is painful, if we try not to take it personal, allowing people to go in peace, be it friendship, romantic relationships, business colleagues, fraternity buddy, whatever, we must give people their space. Also as we move on, as hard as it might be, let us find the grace and strength to exit with dignity and respect for the relationship we once had.