Yeap, I am talking romantic relationship, how dare I attempt to tackle this elusive thing called love, this subject that has caused much heartbreak? Still felt I should give it my penny’s worth. The principle here will apply to other relationships as well.
The same way foundation applies to a brick and mortar building I believe it also applies to relationship. We clear the ground, get our digger in, be it mechanical or human, trench is created, marking the footprint of the building, we pack it, pouring in our cement mix/concrete. This sets solid and that marks the foundation of the building. Most relationship starts in similar way, boy sees girl, likes her, clears the way to get to her, once she accepts his interest, he digs the hole and pour himself, those initial days are intense, nature plays a good part, both are intoxicated with each other, hardly breathing seperately, so into each other, constant communications, chats, texts, calls, I love yous, I miss yous, kisses etc and the relationship sets. With the building we move on to the next stage, put in our damp course and start building the wall, I have a preference for a two leaf cavity wall with insulation in between. This allows the house to breath, the walls are individual but still joint. Equal walls supporting the house, one internal, the other external, both performing different roles but at the same time similar roles in protecting the house.
A good relationship should progress likewise, it can not continue in the dense foundation concrete mix stage, there is no breather, no fresh air, no allowance for movement, a house build like that is not sustainable or energy efficient, the same applies to a relationship, after a relationship sets, it needs air, it needs to develop as two individual leafs working together, each must have some space to be, however they are still to be held together by the internal insulation and external rendering, they are one but still individual. Some have argued for death of the individual as we are called to be one, I believe this signifies the beginning of the death of the relationship, in the same manner that weak dominated wall will eventually bring about cracks and subsidence to a building. A building does not fall because all walls are weak, it needs just one wall to be weak. A relationship where one dominates the other is a recipe for disaster, the structure is on its way to collapse. Both parties need to be equally alive and strong, working in unison, that is what makes for a strong building that can withstand the elements.
I will like to take time to build on the concept of allowing the building to breathe after the foundation stage. Now we women in general (so this is generalising, if it does not apply to you just move on) tend to want to stay in the concrete stage, we want the constant attention, we are emotional being, we love, love the non stop stroking and reassurance and reaffirming of love. We want to stay in that love stupor stage forever intoxicated. That is not healthy or beneficial, we must know how to enjoy the moment and then move on to build a house that lasts. Let’s give each other some break and breather to develop and grown, it does not mean love has waned, it just means life must continue in the midst of our loving. He still loves us but he must attend to business, of course he is not like when we first started, the foundation is set, we have bounded, we don’t keep adding glue, but we still maintain what we have, it’s not about abandoning but sustainable care, encouraging self care and not over burdening or suffocating the relationship. Also men, she still loves and cares for you, but she also has a destiny to fulfilled, don’t expect her to abandon her life to baby sit you in the name of love or marriage, that makes no sense and does not make for a strong relationship, one wall leaning on another is the precursor to collapse. One wall supporting each other is the recipe for strength and longevity.
The foundation of a building is a foundation for a reason, it is not the full construction that makes for an environmental friendly building. Different component, different building method for different stages and parts of the building/relationship.
Let’s build well
Beautiful Ivory 