We are all climbing, he is climbing, I am climbing, steadily we are all going. From his ladder he stretched out his neck and called out to me, he had something important to say to me, I stopped and listened, with his neck stretched out, he shouted ‘l love you, I think you are the most beautiful person I have ever seen’ I smiled sheepishly, I came alive, I felt validated and took my eyes off my climb. The sad truth was that he did not know or understand what he was saying, he couldn’t see me properly to tell what I was or what he felt. No doubt I am beautiful and loveable but does he really know or understand, but more sadly, do I really know and understand? Can I self validate? After some time, he said his neck was aching, I needed to come down to a level that eases his ache to get more of the ‘medicine’ that I so badly needed. So I stepped down to level up with him and he spoon fed me what I sure could have given myself.
As I allowed him to feed me, he took it upon himself to starve me when it pleases him. So now I begged and cried, longed and yearned for his affection. He told me his love is not free or unconditional, his affection came at a huge price, I had to drop down a few more rungs of the ladder and be at the level below his feet, so that when it pleases him he can walk all over me and that is the price I have to pay for his miserable affection and validation. Like a confused and disillusioned Easu, I gave up my permanent and sustainable birthright for a temporal, short lived weak unsatisfying bowl of porridge! I got fed hapharzardly as long as I remain on that rung and never attempt to continue my climb.
What a price we pay for that we already have? For a kiss I gave up my birthright.
Beautiful Ivory 