So early in the morning I was going for my usual morning walk, as you do, you got to keep fit, you know. I normally passed by this dilapidated building which is deserted, no big deal about that. But today was different, there was activity, it was fenced round, there was a skip and builders etc some form of construction or refurbishment was going on. Being the nosey person that I was, I walked over, a gentle knock on the black metal gate. A burly man came to find out what I was about. I explained that I was just a friendly neighbour wanting to know what was going on. He explained they were turning the site to a part commercial part residential building. I left having satisfied my curiosity.
True to his word, 6 months later, all boarding were gone and in the place of a derelict building was 3 spanking new stores and above 4 residential flat. With the ‘to let’ sign up, I remain intensely interested and kept checking to see who would move in, in no time everything was occupied. In one of the commercial unit was an eatery. I popped in to pay homage and to my very pleasant surprise, I found they sell the softest, creamiest, yummiest beans. You’ve probably figure out that I love beans, so every lunch time (I work from home, by the way, in light of the outbreak) I always pop in and I was never dissapointed. Always cooked to my satisfaction.
I stuck a friendship with the main lady their, I assumed she was the manager and I told her how much I enjoyed the food. I went on to ask that I hope you wasn’t leaving any time soon. She told me that she was the owner of the business and that she actually live in one of the flats upstairs, so she was not going anywhere soon. She went on to assure me that the beans was her signature dish. She and the beans were always going to be there. I was assured and felt my life was well secured.
One day I went in and the beans didn’t taste as good. It was a bit grainy and crunchy. It seems to have been cooked with weevil in it. It wasn’t a huge problem and I felt everyone is entitled to the occasional off day. The next time I went in the dish was so watery lacking any taste or flavour. I was puzzled as the owner was still there, I couldn’t understand, I concluded she must be going through a bad patch or some difficulty and things will be restored. However things never went back to how it was, the only thing that was consistent was the lady was still there. I went there some more and after some time there was no beans available! I asked and she assured me it was a short term scarcity, so I kept going every lunch time and there was no beans, always one story or the other.
I started getting a bit angry, then a lot angry, resented the bean seller, I hated her for what she did to me, the way she treated me, how she raised my hopes, how she promised what she could not deliver on, she couldn’t keep to her words. I felt she used me, when she was new and nobody knew her, she was diligent in cooking what I liked, she had my patronage. Now she is well known, she didn’t care about people like me anymore, use and dump me. The whole thing became very person, I started avoiding her on the street and whenever I run into her I refuse to greet her. I also went on a crusade and bad mouthed her and talked about her to any and every one that cared to listened.
One day as I was going about my usual tirade to a friend. She asked if this was about my love for beans or hatred for the bean seller. That got me thinking, at this point things were all muddled up, I was discombobulated. I basically had lost the plot. My friend told me that if it was about beans that there were other beans sellers a few street from mine, that I should try them. She also made me to understand that it is within my bean seller prerogative to choose whether she continues to sell beans or not, especially if it is no longer economically viable for her. At that point I realised that I was barking at the wrong tree, actually there was no need to bark at all, I just need to go down a few streets to get my beans and everyone is happy.
Likewise in relationship how many times, do we behave in a similar manner to me and the bean seller. A relationship stops providing what attracted us in the first place and rather than graciously accept the end of what was once really beautiful and seek for other sources when the well dries up. We start all kind of drama, we get angry, resentful, we cry, we get depressed, we sulk …etc. It’s very simple, they stopped selling beans, just find another bean seller, your soul will always crave beans. Let the old bean seller dwell in peace, wish them well as you move on and don’t be a stalker checking if per chance, things might be back to how it was, no it wouldn’t, move on!
Beautiful Ivory 