‘… make me strong’! I cry to God, take away my weaknesses, take away this humanity, take a way this tripping aspect, take away this pain, take it all!!! I wept. At some level I was fed up of the frailties that comes with being a human being, I was struggling with the vulnerability of being a woman. I looked at the moment and l thought, ‘I ‘ve been here before and I don’t like it, I have tripped on this stone before, and even if it is not the exact same stone, it bears the same resemblance, any difference is not noticeable. Tired of tripping, I cried for strength, strength not to err again. Erring, falling, tripping all sucks.
And then my prayer started getting answered, my cries were heard. I felt strength entering my body, my heart started hardening, my tripping dropped, I am standing tall and straight, my shoulder squaring, my eyes piercing. I was no longer falling, I met all collusion standing without swerving. I was no longer flinching, my thumb was out of my mouth and the mouth scrunched together. Now I am feared and revered. I got the respect I had always wanted, nobody was dumping their crap on me any more, no scally wagger was hitting on me, all stayed away, I was avoided and I liked it.
With my toughness, came a strange coldness, with the hardening of the heart came a weirdness, something unpleasant, indescribable, unappealing. I got my space, I got my distance, I got the strength I cried for, now I have little or no feelings, I don’t feel human, I am becoming inhuman!! Aha!
I went back and I cried, broken, I pleaded, ‘give me back my humanity!’, take away the heart of stone, reluctantly I swapped back the strength for my weaknesses.
Like Paul, His grace is sufficient for me. For my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast more gladly of my weaknesses … for when I am weak, I am strong!!!
Vulnerability is the game. Stay Human!
Beautiful Ivory 