… what exactly is it? What will I lose? What is so important to not make the decision? What am I holding on to? Why would I base my being on fallible nothing? What is so difficult to give up on? Why must I keep bathing in disagreeable water? Why? Why does the shifting seem to scary? Why am I holding so tightly with white knucles to nothing? Why will I continue to digest disagreeable food? How bad can the consequences be that I must stick with the status quo? It is just fear, pure stark fear.
I don’t have my beauty, I don’t have my youth, I don’t have my family, I don’t have my God, I don’t have my faith, I don’t have a lot! But what I do have is integrity, honesty, sincerity.
I can’t stack it all up neatly before making the decision, I must just believe that it will all work out all right, that is what I must do and that is all I can do.
Ditch the fear, like a roller coaster ride, know that it will be bumpy but that I will come out ok at the other end. it is not for me to know when the bumps will hit, when the drop will happen, have a buffer for them, have insurance for each and everyone. Yes, I will be rough around the edges, yes I might be a single rider, but I will make it to the other end just the same way that the groupies will and I might find other single riders.
I must buy that ticket, I must get to the theme park, I must get on that ride, I must imbible the shocks, I must feel the G force, I must endure the intensity and I must come out on the other side. I must do it. I can’t be afraid of me, I can’t keep being afraid of being termed mad, I can’t be afraid of being mad, I can’t be afraid of loosing it. I must be me and do the right thing.
Beautiful Ivory 