… pain came knocking, I didn’t see his face but I got a whiff of who it was and I took to my heels, I ran for cover. I ran to friends and family, they gave me temporary cover, but they couldn’t give me permanent cover neither could I keep going to them. They knew I was running from something or someone and not coming to them out of love, so they treated me like him that was running from something or someone.
So I ran to food, food gave me a temporary cover in the form of comfort. But it was a deceptive comfort, it slowly destroys once I overdid it. Food did not shield me from pain in the end.
So I ran to infatuation, to romantic love, what an illusion! It was over before it even started. It gave a high, an incredible high, but all that just disappeared in a vapour!
So I ran to sex, and all I got was 15mins relief, temporary pleasure each time and life time of regret afterwards. It ceases to be worth the trouble after sometime.
So I checked in to work and buried myself in my craft, I hustled day and night, knowing little sleep, I had money but no relief. My eyes were forever watching my back.
I decided to try prescription drugs, it gave more pain, period!
I stepped up to alcohol and recreational drug and I entered the den of the devil. The only way was down, deep deep down. A fallacy of the highest order.
I tried retail therapy and I got things and load more of things, what an emptiness those things brought! my bank account didn’t fare well either.
I succumbed to depression and coiled up, refusing to get up, I made myself miserable, truly miserable and I longed for the end, I cried out but none answered.
So I tried religion and I cried out to God, I didn’t hear a word, but I think He heard. Someone told me He did hear and He replied back, that He said “His grace is sufficient for me”.
I went to talking, long, passionate, energetic conversations, I talked and talked and talked to rid myself of my pain. But at the end of all my talking, my pain was right there, asking for engagement.
I went to social media, I checked everyone’s wall on Facebook, I read everything, the good, the bad, the ugly, the edifying, the non edifying, I read it all! I went to youtube and I watched and watched and listened and listened, from educating and informing videos to brain numbling ones. I went to Instagram and scrolled through countless pages, pictures, write ups in stupor like manner, I did my time with social media.
My pain came, like a traveller it came, ready to consume me whole, my pain came in the form of loneliness, like a deep engulfing ocean, mouth wide open, seeking to swallow me, the whole me, my essence. It was merciless, determined, ferocious as hell, demanding attention, banging earnestly. Like an insatiable whirlwind, like a sunami sweeping up everything in its path. I took to my heels again, and started running as fast as I could, faster than I ever ran, seeking all and any cover.
But something stopped me suddenly in my track! I stopped abrupt! I took a very deep breath and slowly I turned and faced my pain. I took in every single detail of the enermy, for the first time I saw every facial detail of whom I was running from. I saw my pain in all its ugly details. Carefully and purposefully I moved forward with eyes of a warrior and the resolve of a diehard soldier.
Today, I stopped running, I stopped seeking for cover. I stopped putting up a barrier in front, I tossed away the pacifier, the comforter, the buffer, the absorber. I stripped off the soft garment and geared my self up in war gear, my boxing gloves on, I entered the ring and I looked my pain in the eye, eyeball to eyeball I squared up to my pain and we did battle. No one is going home tonight, no one is running for cover, no one is throwing in the towel. One of us must go down. I stood my ground, pain stood his ground, we battled it out, one of us went down and it wasn’t me!
Having done all to stand, stand!
I stood!
Beautiful Ivory 