“…. Hey Uncle Ben! I came to your house the other day, but you wouldn’t in” I shouted as I ran into my Uncle. “Yes, when I am not at home, people don’t find me in!” said my uncle. Now, I am like what exactly is he saying? Is he trying to be smart, witty or what? His response made no sense, so I just left him to his devices. Uncle Ben is a very social being, loves going out, meeting people, he is a good conversationalist, and always has great stories and jokes. He can be a bit restless and difficult to find him at home, even when you have made a solid appointment and you call him to remind him, he is just hardly ever in.
Sadly Uncle Ben became unwell and it was Doctor’s recommendations that he stays at home and rest himself. This was really hard for Uncle Ben, he was not the homely type, so despite his frail and weak state, he will still drag himself out, to his own detriment. I remember going to see another of my Uncle (Chris) who was lamenting his frustration with Ben, he couldn’t understand why he wouldn’t just stay at home, especially given his frail state. Uncle Chris was the homely type, I didn’t even tell him I was coming, but he was there at home. He told me he hardly goes anywhere unnecessary, he minds his business, shuts his door and enjoys himself within the confines of his home, going out as and when necessary.
In my experience people fall somewhere between my two extreme Uncles, they are either forever in or forever out or just somewhere along the line of homeliness or always out.
In a sense, in talking to people, I find the same principle applies. I have virtually given up talking to some people, because why they are physically present with you, they are never there! The house is empty! You talk and talk and sometimes they respond but it is empty! I know someone who is notorious for day dreaming, the moment you open your mouth, to have a decent conversation with her, she is gone!, try as much as you can, she is not in, she is no longer at home and just like my Uncle Ben, when she is not at home, she sure is not in. I have called some people in the past, and we have had an hour or so conversation. Then I put the phone down, and I wonder, why did I bother, there was no one at home! Some people are hardly ever at home, you can’t get through or connect to them. They are always somewhere else when they are with you.
At the same time, there are some very present people, who are very much with you. They are homely, your true homies, talking to them is always a delight, they listen, they participate, they engage, you feel connected. Always a beautiful time of fellowship. However, even homies go out some time, and in those times we can’t connect with them, they are not with us.
It is frustrating, when we get to people’s house, office or whenever the place of meeting is meant to be, especially after a concrete appointment and they are not in. It is not uncommon for some people to bang the door endlessly, press the bell mercilessly, walk around the house, sit in the porch for only God knows how long etc. Literally do some crazy stuff, other people just accept the situation and quietly walk away.
The same should apply when conversing with people, if they are not in, they best we can do is just let them be, regardless of whether they protest or not. Some have jumped from topic to topic, talk endlessly, tried convincing, persuading, hoping eventually the light will come on, someone will open the door and let us in, but these rarely happens, we just end up more frustrated and empty. We are better off letting people be and hopefully when they get back home, they will get in touch. There choice really.
Even the homies go out sometimes and when they are not home, you wouldn’t meet they in. So just move on!
Beautiful Ivory 