… and when I see him or when I encounter him, what about him will make my heart flutter? How will I truly love him? Not in a slavish, religious imposed, fear inducing, compulsory, demanding, expected reciprocal act but a genuine, heartfelt involuntary affection.
What about if he is ugly, unattractive, unimpressive? If I don’t like him? If he doesn’t do it for me? What about if he is too tall, too short, too dark, too light, too hairy, not hairy enough, talks funny, weird …? What about if I don’t like his energy, his presence? Do I have a say in the matter? Do I get to check my true feelings? Do I get to acknowledge my sense?
How can I tell if I truly love when I have been told I must love, I must adore, I must worship, I must revere, with my whole heart, my soul, my being, my body and if I don’t I am in trouble. But the question is ‘can I at least check my heart to see how I feel, or my feelings, my inclination does not come into the matter?
Our feelings are meant to be true, in the sense that what we feel is what we feel, it might not be true reflection of the situation, but the readings on the dial is the reading on the dial. Are we then to ignore the reading on the dial? Then what is the point of having a heart, that perceives? “The heart is faulty’ you tell me. Remember ‘ the heart is deceitful, desperately wicked, who can know it? But yet I am to worship Him with all my heart. The renewed heart, you tell me.
You rubbished the only means of perception I have and left me to operate on what I was told, what you tell me. I could never consult my heart, my soul, my consciousness , I must get my directions from outside me.
How can I love him? How will I know? How can I tell? Maybe I am just meant to love him, not consult my heart, just love him, do the acts of love irrespective of how I feel. Why have feelings then?
Beautiful Ivory 