Questioning

… the questions will come, and nothing will be spared. No area will be overlooked, no stone left unturned. A few weeks ago I was thinking about at least one area I know and I am so sure about myself. Something about me that I felt was core and indisputable, no one can question that, at least not even me, I thought. This then becomes the benchmark for assurance about other areas. I concluded it has to be my gender, I have no doubt in my mind that I am a female, I am quite sure and I felt that others will see the same. As far as I know, I sound like one and I look like one, the reasonable size of the twim being one of the many attesting factor. When we find ourselves in a non validating environment, we are inclined to question and doubt almost everything about ourselves.

So recently I popped into my local shop that I patronise very often. There are only 2 people there, the owners and we know each other reasonably well. The next thing I heard was ‘good morning sir’. What! Where did the ‘Sir’ come from. Ok I was in my full site regalia, hard hat and high-Vis Jacket, I still do not think I look like a ‘sir’. But I guess we can safely excuse this as a genuine mistake due to faulty eyesight or confused identification. But what about when people clearly question who we are, every single thing about us, including our gender!

Santa, was kind to me, I guess I was good (I told you I am!) He popped round Christmas Eve, and amongst other things, dropped Michelle Obama’s book, ‘Becoming’. Apparently this was the hottest book in December, anyway I started reading it and one of the thing that Michelle spoke about in the early part of the book was how all manner of things were said about her and areas of her life questioned, even her gender! I hate to admit it, but I have seem some of those videos that claim she is a man! The interesting part is that some of tbe people that make this claim look sane, intelligent, they are eloquent, articulate and coherent and they put their points forward that she is a man! I have come to the conclusion that not every sane looking person is sane and the gift of the gab is just the gift of the gab, it lends no credence to the content. Some people can talk and talk very well, they can captivate and hold an audience but that does not make what they are saying worthy of any attention.

We live in an information age and freedom of speech is the order of the day, everyone is talking, commenting, blogging, on social media, having a YouTube video etc. And some of the talking is about us, about me and about you, questioning who we are and planting the send of doubt in every fibre of our being. These questioning is not just going on in the technology arena but it is going on everywhere in the one to one conversation, the group gossips, the unspoken body language, the direct and confrontational questioning.

I once put my CV forward for a job and I accept that recruitment agents and employing companies have to do their due diligence and verify things. Anyway, I am blessed to have completed a set of arduous professional examinations over a number of years so I rightfully put it on my CV. Obviously someone liked what they read on the CV, so I got a call, the moment they heard my voice, or maybe the accent, the questions started. ‘Did I sit the exams?’ Yes!, ‘Did I do all the levels?’ Yes!, ‘Did I actually completed everything?’ Yes! ‘Am Actually a Charter holder?’ Yes!. ‘Am I sure, I didn’t stop at level 1?’ Yes!!!!!!!!!. It was already stated on my CV that I was a Charterholder and he could have ask me to send my qualifications/certificates but he didn’t want to do that, he doubted my being and he needed me at some level to question and doubt what I have achieved.

I have so many instances and I am sure most people have, just like Michelle when nothing is ‘sacred’ everything and I mean everything is questioned. Even our very existence is questioned, I have read of stories where rumour is circulated that someone is dead when they are still alive! Weirdly enough, I have also heard that some people we think are dead, especially the popular ones are not dead but still alive somewhere. According to some, their have been sightings of Elvis, Bob Marley, Michael Jackson etc at various places. Why I accept that some of these are truly far fetched, the fact remains that everything about who we are will be called to question.

I have sadly watched a video where seemingly honest people believe, weeping to lend authenticity to their beliefs that black people are animals and that the only people that entered the ark with Noah were white people, so black people had to come from the animals in the ark!

Some school of though actually believe that nothing external exists, it is just an illusion in the mind. This throws everything up in the air and questions all. In which case I do not even exist, neither do you, I am not writing this blog, actually there is no blog etc

There will always be questions, from the simple ones to the very major ones, that truly questions everything we hold dear and sacred about who we are and the world we exist in. The onus is on us, each and everyone of us to know and not constantly look to others for validation, for from time to time they will question and plant the seed of self doubt.

As the renowned song writer wrote “I know who I am”.

The questioning will come, know who you are!