… “I am good!” No kidding, yes you heard right or read right, superlatively good! Why would I say that about myself, you ask? The ‘good book’ said no one is good. What gives me the audacity to proclaim goodness on myself? You ask. Well, it is simple, I have had it! Years of proclaiming and confessing anything but good, of criminalising myself , of telling myself I am anything but worthwhile. Maybe it is time to change the script.
No one is perfect, I accept, however we need not be the ones pointing out our imperfect bits, the job belongs to others! We all have areas we need to work on, that I accept as well, and we do the work, however until the work is started, done or completed, there is no requirement to criminalise, an acknowledgement will suffice. Some truly believe they are absolutely rubbish, that I can not accept and I submit is untrue. Our beliefs about ourselves is fundamentally based on what we have told ourselves repeatedly over the years. We are our own prophet and foreteller. As a man believes, so he truly is. It is not set, we determine it and we can change it, if we want.
I accept that sometimes we find ourselves in an environment from a very young age that feeds the very negative mindset about who we are. And we have embraced this from the years of innocence. I also accept that to change this can be excruciatingly hard as this has become the self identity. But knowledge and awareness teaches that we are not who they say we are. We are who we say we are. The power is in our hands, we are the oracle.
I inherited a sense of humour that I am eternally grateful for, however there is a side to it that I am beginning to question. Self deprecating! One way to making people laugh was always at self expense, saying the most ridiculous thing about oneself and everyone has a good laugh. However this trait became the default mode for every other situation. If we meet someone new and feel nervous or anxious, a self deprecating joke rolls out to break the ice, if we are happy we do the same, sad, you guess it, the same tool is used. Accomplished and not wanting to sound or look arrogant, another ‘self depre’ is thrown in to temper any puffiness and there it goes. This seems harmless for a while except the mind does not always know when the show is over and there are no laughing audience around. The mind is now in auto pilot, the self deprecating, self bashing talk becomes the normal self talk. We need no external critics, no outside enemy, we have created one, on the inside, on call 24/7 , non relenting, never tiring, producing effortlessly, all we need to make our lives a misery. In my opinion this is worse than any destructive drug or substance we can consume. Sad to say, but the venom is produced on the inside of us without any external aid.
The good news is that we can change this, but it takes effort and it takes time, a habit that is developed over decades does not disappear overnight. But it can be done, we can love ourselves to health and wholeness. We can change the language of our self talk. We can give up on the self deprecating talk as a ice breaker and talk about the weather or anything else, otherwise we just allow the ice to remain.
Be your greatest supporter, your greatest champion, your friend, your lover, your cheerleader, there are more than enough critic out there ready to point out all your existing and non existent flaws. Why add your voice to theirs?
It will definitely sound odd to start with and the mind will protest if this is not the normal operatus morandi, but this is about change, change for the better. It might mean being uncomfortablely quiet for a while both within and without because we can’t think of anything pleasant to say about ourselves, but so be it, let the words of our mouth and the meditations of our heart be acceptable and beautifying to our very own soul. Why poison ourself?
As we beautify ourselves, we will have no other choice but to do so to others. This is not about self worship, but self appreciation which I believe is in order. No man can love anyone more than he loves himself. Let charity starts at home. Love your brother as you love yourself. If you hate yourself, you and your brother are in trouble.
Let us unpick, unpack and discard the weight of unsavoury thoughts we have buried ourselves under and wrap ourselves with positive and nuturing self talk.
The love we need is nearer than we thought, it is in our mouth, in our heart, what we seek is not on the outside, it is not in anything external to us. It is right within, we just need to get our house in order for our salvation is much nearer. Let’s put in the work to make our house right.
Live it up, Vintage you!
Beautiful Ivory 