We’ve all heard it, we must forgive, unforgiveness is toxic, it eats us up, it is destroying, we must not accommodate it and rightfully so. And for that reason we sometimes continue to accomodate the undesirable that should be dropped. We tolerate toxicity and we endure unnecessary pain. Some relationships are done and dusted, truly over, but we hold on for dear life under the guise of some illusive virture named forgiveness. No, we must let go, some people have no business in our lives, even if at some point they did, be it for short or long time and we have no business in some people’s life either, at least not any more, even if we did before. The inability to accept the end of a relationship is one of the most damaging and harmful emotional state we subject ourselves to. It is over, bits are already falling off, mould is growing! But oh no, we must hold on, we must restore, repair, rearrange, reconstitute, restate, re whatever, and the big one, we must forgive! No you must not forgive, for there is nothing to forgive, the relationship has come to it’s natural end, which is why it is falling apart, you must just let go.
We all do it, we reminiscence, remembering the good old days, the beautiful days of the relationship, the happy times, the feĺlowship, the connection, the union, the ‘koinonia’ but sometimes when it is gone it is gone, and when it is over it is over! But how do we stop ourselves from fishing deep down memory lane and bringing out the good old days, parading it around in our mind? How do we stop the longing for what use to be? How do we accept what now is? Without hurriedly grabbing the blanket of forgiveness and haphazardly wrapping it around everything and everyone. By just having the simple understanding that time and season applies to all and not all relationships are everlasting or ever living. No hard feelings, it is just the way it is.
This in no way, exonerate from putting in the effort where a relationship can and should be restored or salvaged. Nor does it mean the shawl of forgiveness should not be thrown where or when it is required. I accept that it can be difficult to figure out which is which. However I believe in those quiet moments, away from the anger or turmoil of heart, when we truly quieten our souls and listen with discernment, we would know. It just means some forgiveness carries the additional feature of moving on and allowing peace to reign for all.
Peace!
Beautiful Ivory 