… one of my ex in my very tender and fragile teenage years, told my I was odd and my ways were so different from the general crowd and nobody understood or got me. (As if he was a mind reader and knew and had spoken to everyone in the world!) What a blow! I was devastated, I didn’t show it on the outside, but inside the damage had been done. I was tormented for years by the careless and insensitive conversation, I sincerely felt I was wrong, odd, weird, not good enough, name it! I suffered a terrible complex, had depression along the way.
Anyway over the years I did my very best to fit in, I tried to shave off my ‘weird’ edges. I tucked and sucked in what I considered the undesirable bits wherever and whenever I could, I put on a restraining belt on my oddness as best as I could and put on a front of acceptability the way I understood it to be. I slotted myself into my designated hole, and sometimes it was a terrible squeeze, but I was determined to fit. I smiled or even laugh at the right time, irrespective of whether I get the joke or not, I bowed and did my courtesies as and when required etc. My sense was no one could accuse me of not trying to fit in, but the simple truth was that I was sometimes just a round peg in a square hole, and no matter how much I tried to fill my curved edges, I never became square.
A time came, when maturity, realisation and acceptance hit me, I got rid of the restraining belt and allowed it to all hang out, in the fulness of it’s oddness and weirdness. I stepped out as me, in all my glory, it was a matter of, this is me, take it or leave it. Let no man trouble me any more. I bear on my flesh the mark I need to bear. What a relief it was! I could breath easy!!! Wart and all, I was ‘kosher’! I was no longer required to be banished or have any ceremonial cleansing before joining the gathering. Obviously that didn’t exonorate me from observing basic social ethics. Be at last I was me, I could step out in my glorious ‘weirdness’.
The beauty of all this is that, I have now been able to meet other weirdo like me and we are just having a ball of a time.
Time has taught me that it is not such a big deal or even a crime to be odd. We are who we are at the end of the day, with the entitlement to enjoy our existence like anyone else. Obviously if there are issues that needs to be attended to medically, then we do well to avail ourselves of such assistance. Otherwise we are good to go. Truth be told, each of us is an individual, a ‘one’, which means at some level everyone is odd. And if you disagree, show me a ‘one’ that is even 😊.
Safe to say, my ex that made the comment is now one of my best friends and he can’t even remember ever saying such. He now thinks I am one of the most genuine and authentic people around. How odd?
Be you and strut your beautiful weird stuff, with no care. Be Kosher!
Beautiful Ivory 