… in my secondary school years, there was this girl who was a friend of a friend, I will call her Sharon (not her real name). Obviously I was a second tier friend to Sharon, she wasn’t really my friend and we rarely had any contact, however I still remember the few times we talked, just like it was yesterday, she was incredibly agreeable, she seem to want to do whatever I want to do and like what I like and her opinions were in line with mine. Sharon seem quite gentle but not weak, she just seem to genuinely be in agreement. It was pleasing being around her. I couldn’t tell if this was a learnt social skill or that was just the way her maker made her.
The other day I remembered Sharon and wondered if she is still the same, still agreeable or she has changed, given time has passed and everyone is matured, more set in their ways, we are talking 30 odd years ago! Most people have developed in their own paths and sometimes find little or nothing in common with old friends safe nostalgia about the good old days.
Some people are generally more agreeable than others. For example strong willed children are generally not agreeable, everything you tell them is a ‘no’. The only way to get them to do anything is by telling them the opposite of what you want them to do. When you ask them to sit, they want to stand, when it is sleeping time, they want to play, when it is waking time they want to sleep, if they need to go they would rather come etc. They are such hard work! Their social skills are not always developed to enable them to be diplomatic or tactful about their rebellion. They throw it right in your face and you are forever looking for strategies to get them to do what needs doing.
I am a straight shooter and my natural inclination is to say it as it is, if I don’t agree or like something I feel I should just say it, it seems such an effort to wiggle my way around and dock and dive before just spilling it out, but it seems developing good social skills requires that we be more agreeable with people especially where we can. It takes some effort. It seems the good communicator have mastered this and become all things to all men.
Oprah is a good example, who in my opinion seem to have master the skills and most likely explains her success. She seem to have the ability to truly identify with her guest. It doesn’t not mean to always agree. I guess we can disagree without being disagreeable. It is interesting, if a Born again Christian is on The Oprah show , you get the impression she has been or is one, If a Muslim is there, she has been there as well, if it is New Age, she gets it, if someone is struggling with their children, she has experienced something with a child or even a pet, if a person is struggling with weight, she definitely knows all about it, what about debt, poverty? A difficult one given her wealth, but she usually finds a way to pull it off and I think therein lies one of her key strength.
As much as it lies in your power live at peace with all men, become all things to all men, to the Jews become a Jew and to the Gentiles become a Gentile. Disgree if you must without being disagreeable.
Beautiful Ivory 