… yes, as I was waking up, before I could interfere, before I was awake enough to meddle or muddle the waters, before I could load my mind with all kinds of thoughts, before I could do my analysis paralysis, before I could smother or smear my emotion, passion and interpretations all over it. A thought, so pure and unsolicited came forth. It came with determination, truthfulness, honesty, there was an innocence, child likeness about it. It was like a volcanic eruption in its purposefulness but without the disruptive and destructive force. It was like a plant in its singleness of purpose to spring forth but not the unhurried pace of a plant. It was not hurried either, but had the smooth and steady pace of an experienced diver coming to the surface.
It was like the smooth steady coming up of a submerged submarine making its way to the surface of the water. So my deep thought, lurking way beneath where I could not have naturally reached was starring me face to face, and all I could say was ‘Aha!’ The heart of man! who can know? How did that thought get there? When did it made its way there? why? I have no answers, but it is there. Now some of my actions and behaviours make sense. My irrationals were not irrational afterall. There was a rationality, sanity and reason, a method behind the madness.
Now I know the reason, I still do not want the thought. Someone once said all our thoughts are not necessarily truth. But this sure does feel very true, it was untouched. I guess I will just be kind to myself next time some of my actions do not add up.
Be kind to yourself, sometimes there are reasons behind illogical actions yet to be revealed.
Beautiful Ivory 