It hurt

…. it hurt so badly, it really did! Who wants to be tolerated. Hate me or love me, but don’t just tolerate me. Some wouldn’t even tolerate, it is preferable to pretend I do not exist. What about me is so offensive? so intolerable that you would not acknowledge my existence? Why? What world breeds people that treat other people in such a manner? How awful can people be?

I tried, God Almighty knows I did, I memorised there names and there daughters, I greeted them by their names, I invited them out for playdates, I had small talks with them. I approached them, I tried to engage them. They wouldn’t even hold a pleasant warm eye contact with me, preferring not to look and when they do, it is with cold blank empty eyes. Why must they be like that? Why?

I don’t want it to hurt, and I want to see this to the end. I want to finish the battle. I want to grow to the stage where one of me is greater than a thousand of them and ten thousands of them. As they do not see me, I want to stop seeing them.

I must be strong, I must not falter, maybe I should leave I thought. But why should I, why should I? Really, why should I?so they don’t marginalise me? so they don’t send me to Coventry? so they don’t take it out on my children? Maybe they are not as powerful as they pretend to be, maybe they are weak and fearful, maybe they are ignorant, maybe they are confused. Maybe they are just mean and unkind, so how does one deal with mean and unkind people. Avoid!