… “tell us your reason” they demanded. I was numb and quiet, I uttered not a word, I wasn’t deliberately being unresponsive, uncooperative or going incommunicado. “Write then” they conceded, “do it in your space, in your time” they added and I left. I got a pen and paper and sat down to write, 5 hours later all I had was a pen and a paper and not a single word, not even a dot on the paper. “So what is my reason?” I asked myself, it was just me alone now, I can be honest with myself, there is nothing or no one to fear, moreover I can admit to myself and not disclose my admittance to anyone, still nothing came out. I mean N-O-T-H-I-N-G, I was as blank as the answer space for question 7a (2004 Calculus exam).
I knew I had a reason, I am not flippant, shallow or light, I come from a deep, determined and purposeful place. But my reason was buried so so deep , that even I began to wonder if I had a reason, l wondered if this was one of those random, unexplainable act that had no logic or rationale to it. I hate to admit it, but I wondered if I was slowly loosing my mind. There was only one thing left to do to resolve this, one place left to go, I ran to my friend, TIME. Yes, TIME!
I camped quietly with time and without the slightest of interruption, I allowed time to do what it does best. With the gentlest of hand, time started to carefully lift the layers and layers of materials under which my reason was deeply buried, painstakingly she worked her way unpicking at my burden in the same manner a seamstress carefully unpicks a dodgy hem to reveal the intricate detailing at the base of the garment. I sure had a reason, I was not clueless or dumb, I was suppressed, my reason was under layers of abuse, fear, conditioning, wrong beliefs, confusion, constraints, upbringing, exposure, relationships, subjections, manipulation, discombobulation, peer pressure, societal conformity and approvals, political correctness, etc
The integrity of my reason had to be preserved and not corrupted in the delicate unveiling process, it had to be done in the same manner in which a priceless painting is preserved and then revealed without damage. Time did a stellar job and as the last layer of ‘dross’ is removed, my reason came out in sincerity, without emotion, bitterness or anger, it shone forth as a bright light, it came out as a force of nature, like a volcanic eruption deep in the mountain waiting for it’s time to explode, I exploded. I couldn’t stop talking, I couldn’t write fast enough.
I had a reason and it is pure!
Beautiful Ivory 