I Have No Clothes

I moaned to my sister. “Nothing to wear,” I said. “What do you mean?” she asked. “I don’t have clothes,” I insisted. “Well, you have clothes to wear for the four seasons—winter, autumn, spring and summer. You have work clothes and church clothes. You even have things to wear for special occasions. Moreover, I have never seen you unclothed,” she reminded me. “You don’t understand,” I told her. “No, I don’t,” she was quick to respond with a bemused look on her face.

“Let me explain,” I said. “Please do,” she responded, so I started, “I don’t have loads of them, I don’t have all the latest colours of the season, I don’t have the things I saw on the catwalk, I have worn some of my clothes a few times, and to be honest, I am fed up of some…actually, most of them. I don’t have a walk-in closet where everything is arranged according to colour, size, season and so on with all the matching shoes, bags and accessories in the right place and a 360-degree mirror so I can see myself from every possible angle.” At that point, even I felt I was beginning to lose the plot, so I quickly rounded up.

With a big sigh, my sister asked if I knew anyone that had what I was describing. After scratching my head awhile, I answered, “Yes! Mariah Carey! She has a walk-in closet in her crib. I saw it on the television.”

“If you had so many clothes, where would you wear them to and how would you be able to wear them all?” she asked. “I don’t know,” I said. “But at least, I will know that I have them and I will feel good. I might even be able to post a picture or video of my closet on social media and people will know that I have loads of clothes. In addition, people will see me in different outfits all the time and they will know I am not doing badly after all.” Her final word to me before she walked away was, “Why?”

I was left by myself to figure out my ‘lunacy’. Why? I kept thinking. Why do I need people to think or feel I am doing well? It is not about clothes after all. It is more about my need for external approval and validation that I felt more clothes would give me.

‘Clothes’ represent different things to different people. Maybe, just maybe, I don’t need more clothes, maybe I have enough clothes. I do have clothes after all. What I don’t have is something different, something deeper. I wonder what it is. Self-value? Self-esteem? Self assurance, self worth or just simply contentment?